Final Layer

Final Visit

2008-07-23T17:56:00.002+01:00

I made my final visit to Layer Road today, to collect my seat. It's funny that I call it 'my' seat. I never really owned it, just the right to sit in it. But anyway, since I didn't win anything in the auction at the weekend I decided to take up the club's kind offer so that I have my own memento of Layer Road.

It was a strange sight that met me at the ground. Heavy electric cables snaking across the ground, large strips of turf missing from the playing area, turnstiles ready for collection, very few signs left behind, and the Barside crush barriers had been removed. I had visions of the Col U faithful having been finally unleashed onto the playing surface and wandering around the ground looking for some away supporters to insult.

I chatted with a few people who were also there assisting with the last rites. One gentleman was lifting some turf to place on the grave of a friend (a Colchester United supporter). For me that was probably the most appropriate use of the hallowed playing surface. I'm not particularly religious but I do wonder if all those people whose ashes have been scattered here have been considered in the move. Will their spirits move with us to Cuckoo Farm?

After wandering aimlessly myself around parts of the pitch and the back alleys and then sitting in the stands for a few moments it was time to leave. I was sure I could hear the faint sound of music playing somewhere in the distance - 'Danny Boy' I think.

"Don't look back" someone once said - look forward, onward, Onward Christian Soldiers - sorry, I'm going down the religious path again. But then, football IS a religion. It stirs up emotions in much the same way. Most wars are fought over a religious issue or belief. I believe we can win the League this year. Bring on Southend, Leeds, Millwall, Gillingham, and all the rest. It's off to Cuckoo Farm for the next campaign. What time's the next bus?

This blog is being continued at the following web address: http://firstcuckoo.wordpress.com
Please do visit and post your comments along the way.
See you at Cuckoo Farm.

Final Layer Auction

2008-07-20T19:56:00.005+01:00

So the time has come for the crown jewels to be sold off. I'm sure we'll get a lot of detail in due course about the value of each item - that's the value according to the 500 or so that turned up at Layer Road on Sunday (20th July). It was more like a treasure hunt at times. The auctioneer and his henchmen darted into offices, changing rooms, behind the stands and onto the pitch but not into any of the WCs or the boardroom, and they just daren't set foot inside the Barside stand.

There were some unusual purchases (in terms of prices paid). The goal posts and net at the Layer Road end (once the domain of the home fans, but not in recent history) fetched a measly £10, but the same equipment at the Clock end fell for £180.

How about a shed with no floor, half buried in weeds and hedges, and with a filing cabinet inside. A bargain at £10, yet only 10 yards away a catering hut complete with lock on the door (so we couldn't look inside) fell for £2. Surely the lock is worth that alone - unless they've lost the key.

Chatting with a few people we shared the concern that the two penalty spots were a bit worn and despite each one achieving the same amount of £8, what happens to the worn out circles? Will the new owners be tempted to re-seed them? Surely the most intriguing contrast of purchases was the timber catering shed fixed to Terrace 4 a snip at £2, yet the sign proclaiming this as 'Terrace 4' was keenly fought over and finally succumbed for £110.

I've mentioned the crown jewels and I know there's been some stuff about this in the media already. I happen to agree that a number of items shouldn't have been in the sale. One can only hope that they will find their way back to the home of CUFC through kind donations. I'm sure that will happen in the case of Lot 341 (framed and glazed picture of FA Cup 5th Round 1971 - Col U v Leeds). I know this because I heard both of the main bidders earlier in the day speak of their desire to purchase it and loan it back to the club. It's a shame they didn't speak to each other since they raised the final value from around £200 to £400 on their bids alone and the end result was always going to be the same.

I think there may be a surprise for one purchaser who got the staircase from the first floor level up to the commentary box for about a tenner. The catalogue shows this as INCLUDING the commentary box. Surprising omissions were Wickes' shed and wall (from the absurd half-time 'entertainments'). Please don't tell me we are in for repeat performances of these next season? There must be an alternative. Please! I'll buy them now just to stop them being used again. Please!

Anyway an eventful day which has now come and gone and there's just one more entry to make in this blog later in the week. Some season ticket holders have been offered their seats for free, so I have to make one more journey back to collect my dues. I've always felt that the stadium has had an enormous effect on visitors and that's been one of the major factors that has influenced performances here over the years. To own just a small part of the infrastructure that has brought Leeds United and Ipswich Town to their knees is priceless.

Point of no return

2008-05-31T19:56:00.005+01:00

It's strange to be thinking of points during the close season. Well, it's our close season anyway. I guess you can argue that our season continued until at least until after the play-offs so we know who we are playing next season. I have to confess some satisfaction that Doncaster made it to the Championship. I'm not that excited for THEM, it's just that Southend stay down and we get another couple of local encounters. Even better is the fact that Leeds are also still down and we can re-live our past encounters with them.

I know I've been a bit keen on comments about basic coaching skills, but there's a chap in the Premiership who's getting paid more money than our whole squad, and he doesn't know how to take penalties. After the Beckham soft turf encounter a few years ago you'd expect any other England captain to be extra vigilant. Hey, it was raining and that made the grass wet. Now how on earth did he get to slip and fall on his a**e in front of all those people, live on TV across the globe, in allegedly the top match of the season (actually our home game against Ipswich takes that crown). Well we just have to accept that when it comes to the credit crunch even the most highly paid footballers suffer from nerves at a crucial moment. Just how much time and effort has been ploughed into coaching that man?

Talking of Chelsea, we do have to feel sorry for that bunch of swingers. Runners-up in the Carling Cup, Runners-up in the Premiership, Runners-up in Europe. That's an unsuccessful season apparently. Reminds me of a struggling Yorkshire club called Leeds United in 1970. They were runners-up in the top flight, runners-up in the FA Cup and bombed out in the semi-finals in Europe. Look what happened to them. We live in hope for our current 'big four'.

Back to the 'point' of this little end of season rambling. I got to thinking if there was a point when we could actually say we were never going to play at Layer Road ever again. A point of no return perhaps. You might say it has already passed. The evidence is quite compelling. The new stadium is underway and nearing completion and the club has told everyone they are moving in the summer. Isn't this just like any other house move? What if Southend came in at the last minute and made a better offer? Could they play there?

OK, so the floodlights have been re-erected at the new site - perhaps that just means we wouldn't be able to play evening matches at Layer Road. The goalposts have been taken down - that happens at the end of every season. Layer Road has been put up 'For Sale' - just testing the market chaps. Lots of people do that to see what they are worth.

The evidence to the contrary? Well the offices and shop are still in Layer Road. There's no grass on the new pitch yet and only a handful of seats. Maybe they are ony installing the seats as the season ticket applications come in. Let's face it - it's still a building site. and the road signs are still in place around Layer Road together with their match-day parking restrictions.

So what is going to be the defining moment, the point at which we can consign 'Layer Road' itself to the club's Hall of Fame, when we can really start to re-plan our travel arrangements for match days. I'm not sure either, but I'll tell you here when I think it's happened.

Match 4 - Blog Updated

2008-05-10T19:56:00.000+01:00

Just a quick note to say that the blog entry for Match 4 - Scunthorpe ('A Day in the Life of Layer Road') has been updated to include a number of photos from the day.

If only .....

2008-05-04T19:56:00.002+01:00

Now you might think I'd be wasting my time here. Even though I've been resigned to the fact that we are going down for a couple of months now, I entered the final weekend of our two year holiday in the Championship clinging to the thought that it may just be possible to avoid relegation. If anybody is actually reading this then they will think I'm out of my mind. But, just listen to my case and let's see if we have the slightest bit of a chance.

It was fashionable at one time to re-build a club by 'going into administration' and we've seen a strengthening of the FA's position on this in the last couple of years. Ten to fifteen points deducted for dodgy dealings behind the scenes. Now there's a possibility. The difficulty with all this is that we are so far behind on points going into the last match that only something extraordinary like this can save us. Assuming we could salvage a final 3 points from this final game at Scunthorpe then we need to rely on the good old FA to dish out some 15 point penalties for various offences committed by any club within striking distance. Why fifteen? Well if it's good enough for Leeds then it's good enough for the rest. The FA have set the bar at that level.

So, with a potential 40 points and a crap goal difference in the bag we needed to set our sights on those within 14 points of that at the start of the day. That means Blackpool, Coventry, Sheffield Wednesday, Leicester and Southampton. Scunthorpe are in the same boat but floating with a little more out of the water. We can't overhaul them in any fair consideration of the situation and it means that they will also benefit from anything we achieve.

Now there are some easy pickings here. Leicester went into administration a few years ago. Why should that go unpunished? Dock them 15 points just for the hell of it I say. Southampton's boardroom has been under fire all season and no-one knows who really owns them or wants to own them. So in one sense they are like headless chickens. Let's put them out of their misery and deduct fifteen there as well.

Coventry have been blighted with financial scandal all season so it doesn't seem unreasonable to relieve them of the burden of fifteen points as well. I can't find any readily available dirt on the other two, but that must be good enough for now, three clubs with financial problems. That could put us clear.

OK so it's down to the football stuff now, and in a fun-filled programme this week the U's have done their worst to make my calculations meaningless. Grabbing a 3-3 draw from the jaws of a 3-1 lead means we only have 38 points to end the season. Results elsewhere show that Southampton saw my plan coming and they wormed their way to safety with a 3-2 win over Sheffield United. Coventry are laughing after surrendering 4-1 to Charlton and even with an extra 15 points we can't quite touch them. Leicester are our favourites and they maintained a clean sheet at Stoke to give the Potters promotion and secure their own relegation anyway. They are going down and could do the decent thing and surrender themselves to the bottom spot with a deduction of points.

So that's it then? Not quite. Let's look at who's coming up from League One. Swansea as champions - and it's just been announced that they have taken a £650,000 loss in achieving promotion this season. Now that's dodgy dealing in my book. Deduct 15 points. That puts them back into the play-off places and gives automatic promotion to Doncaster. It makes a mess of the play-off matches so it may be best to just deny one promotion place and let the play-offs proceed as planned.

That means we have Leicester relegated below us and Swansea denied promotion. That means I need another place to ensure safety in the Championship. Well, my hopes are now on Carlisle winning the play-off place and then having promotion denied on account of their entering adminstration a few years ago. It's a slim chance I know, but we have to cling to these faint hopes.

Now, does anyone know a good lawyer, or the phone number of the High Court?

Match 23 - Stoke

2008-04-26T19:56:00.012+01:00

Not too many words this time. I'll let the photos tell the story. There was a football match, but that was a non-event. Neither team played particularly attractive football. Whilst the Col U Faithful were correct to point out that the away fans 'have only got one song', it was also true that the away team had only one tactic - a long throw into the box. So there you have it. For 87 minutes you could have gone to sleep and missed nothing of any interest to the home support.

The final 3 minutes were a bit different, with attack upon attack by the U's, but it didn't change the result. Stoke won 1-0. Their fans thought they'd clinched autmatic promotion but about the same time as Colchester woke up, so did Hull and they have a chance of spoiling it. Stoke went top of the division. Colchester are now firmly rooted to the bottom, and next week's 'cup final' against Scunthorpe is now meaningless - we will still be bottom, no matter what happens.
[picture: The band are in the tunnel ... ... ...]

Today was a media circus day. 6,300 of us were invited to watch the media parading themselves in front of us, while we watched (sitting and standing patiently) from the stands and terraces.
[picture: Formation Fireworks with the Match Officials]

BBC Essex had a great idea. They broadcast their sports prpgramme live from Layer Road. So what? How did that help their listeners? There were dozens of photographers on hand to record the occasion. For who? Several TV and video cameras dotted around the place to capture the story - for various TV programmes they want you watch or videos they want you to buy.
[picture: Are we playing Smoke City today?]

Loads of former players were introduced to us. I think we know who they are. It's a shame they don't all come back for every game. They got to speak to the other media people but not to us. It was all a bit like a postcard from someone who's on holiday - "I'm here. You're not. It's great. I'm having a wonderful time. You ought to be here - watching me having a great time."
[picture: A crowd invasion before the game - stewards in Roman uniforms advance to eject them]

We were reminded about 20 times throughout the afternoon not to enter onto the pitch after the game. "It's an arrestable offence" it says on the postcard. (The standard of football was criminal - who was going to arrest them?) The usual stuff from the half-time roving microphone - I think it's time he was retired. He's not funny. He's not entertaining.
[picture: Doogie tells the team a joke. It looks like one of the players has burst with laughter - remnants of shirt on pitch]

[picture: It's Saturday - it's 3 o'clock - it must be ... ... ... time for a nap]

[If you missed the kick-off, here's what it looked like]

[picture: Dark forces at work. Just behind the Barside stand, a stream of balloons lodged in a nearby tree and formed themselves into the shape of a 'U'.]

[picture: Half-time entertainment. Stoke City fans kept on singing all through the break - I can't actually tell you what the band played.]

[picture: .. ding, dong
This is public announcement. In the event of an emergency please remain calm, and await further instructions. Thank you.
... ding, dong]

[picture: I think we may be down to our last few balls. They needed an armed guard at half-time]

[picture: I think you know who they are all are, but for a bonus point name all the photographers and the media scrum.]

[picture: Then they went and spoiled it all by playing something stupid like ... ... a game of football]

[picture: Four minutes - you cannot be serious !!!]

[picture: At last - the deed is done. We can all go home. Last one to arrive at Cuckoo Farm is ... ... probably the MP for Colchester!]

I hope you've enjoyed the season and these ramblings of the final season at Layer Road. There will be a couple more postings before I hang up my blogs for the summer, but I will return in the new season in the guise of 'The First Cuckoo', and will share my experiences of 'Being a League One Fan in a Brand New Stadium'.

Saturday 26th April 2008 really was a media celebration day. The real celebrations have taken place over the years and you can't take that away from anyone. If you feel like you should have been there, well, at least I'm sharing my thoughts and my photos here.

Match 22 - Coventry

2008-04-19T19:56:00.000+01:00

Nearly there - League One that is. A great first half today. A goal from Scott Vernon and nearly a second from Lisbie who held onto the ball far too long while the crowd had time to shoot three times for him. Nevertheless the opposition looked quite weary and disinterested in those 45 minutes. That was a cunning ploy by Chris Coleman. In the second half you'd be forgiven for thinking there had been ten substitutions (Schmeichel was still dodgy in the Coventry goal). They really turned us over in the second period.

I'd like to say that there was something to report from the half time entertainment but the final of 'Over the Wall' fizzled out into a one-horse race when the first competitor (from Hospital Radio) missed with all five attempts. In the junior penalty competition we lost 4-5 to the travelling fans and it must have been really disappointing for one our boys who was built up as having come all the way from Canada for today's game. His shot was saved by Eddie the Eagle who isn't known for his prowess between the posts.

I do have to say that even though we were well and truly done for in the second half the players generally still continued to make an effort and we did have chances. The score-line still remains at 1-5 and with Scunthorpe scraping a win against Cardiff the chances of salvaging some pride against them on the last day are looking quite grim. There have been some absolutely dismal performances this season and we have only lost those by the odd goal, yet today we get slaughtered and yet we tried hard. It's a funny old game, football!

I also have to say that if too many fans keep going on about Williams having to go, he just might think it's not worth staying on for them. He has been the one consistent performer for the U's in recent years. He is the one who has shown loyalty to the club when others have jumped ship. I really do hope he stays and is allowed to build up a decent squad for next season to get us back in the Championship. I wonder how many of those who phone, text or email to BBC Essex are those who leave these matches early?

It's time to show our support for George and the club as a whole despite our current position. We have one more home game in which to make an impact. People in my section of the ground are asking each other how many games they are going to see next season, and the most asked question I've heard has to be 'Are you going to buy a season ticket next season?'. Well, if that's the attitude of a large proportion of so-called fans then perhaps we deserve our current plight.

It's good to see the club has decided to review its prices for next year, but there's a still a way to go in my opinion. I think there's a need to get a lot more junior support onside and maybe there's some mileage in the plan to issue free tickets to local school groups for a number of matches next season, and much cheaper tickets for juniors who bring an adult. These are potential lifelong supporters.

Crisp and Even

2008-04-12T19:56:00.005+01:00

I hesitate to use the word 'crisp' in this posting but I needed something to typify the Walkers stadium and the fact that we suffered yet another draw against The Foxes. I use the word 'suffered' rather than any positive slant on the phrase like 'earned' or 'achieved' because it's the shared honours that has done most to frustrate our survival this season. Sixteen draws.
If only ...

Listening to the radio commentary I was full of hope until the commentator's curse reminded us in the 89th minute that we have a tendency to blow it late in the game. Well, it only took aout 30 seconds for that prophecy to come true. If league tables really do change in the middle of matches then for around 17 minutes we were off the bottom. The reality of it all of course is that we are heading full tilt towards a final day showdown at Scunthorpe where the loser rather perversely will be remembered more than the winner - hopefully.

In the meantime there are two final home matches in which we have the chance to reverse the results from the respective away games. I'm trying to put a positive spin on things here. The point is that every game provides a reason for wanting to win. In the case of the Ipswich game recently there wasn't any need for statistics. It was just the fact that we always need to beat them. Just in case the tractor boys across the border want to go on about the home win earlier in the season let's add it all up and show that in both our Championship seasons were have beaten them on aggregate - both times on away goals!

Oh, and just in case anyone's listening to this blog, here's a snippet from the end of match celebrations at the Ipswich game. This is what it's like when we win!

Reserves

2008-04-10T19:56:00.003+01:00

Popped into the ground on Wednesday afternoon and caught the second half of the U's Reserves against MK Dons. Quite a spooky atmosphere with a crowd of around 50. Most of the noise was from the players themselves and you could hear every word out there on the green baize. It occurred to me that this game was a warm up for the first team encounter next season - especially now that it's official we are stepping down.

The lads came alive in the second half and won by a significant 4-2 margin. Some fine keeping by Cousins too. Seven of the U’s have first team experience in the Championship. It will be interesting to see which players from both teams are lining up against each other next season in League One. So, for the record (and I don't think you'll find this information in one place anywhere else on the web), the line ups were:

Colchester United Reserves:
Cousins, Speed, Balogh, Hammond, Nelson, McLeod, Guttridge, Watson, Wordsworth, Guy, Webb
Subs: Quintyn for Guy, Griffiths for Speed - Unused: Smelt, Oakley, Olusanya
Goalscorers: Guy (3), Guttridge

MK Dons Rerserves:
Fox, King, Collins, Shuter, Thorne, Flannighan, Farden, Delderfield, Powell, Ashraff, Roles
Subs: Dowling for Farden - Unused: Heald
Goalscorers: Powell, Ashraff

I’m glad I was there, I witnessed Kevin Watson challenging and winning a header. I’m sure it happened. At least I’m reasonably sure it happened. I might have been distracted at the time by a movement of a large proportion of the crowd (6 of them) from the Tiptree stand towards the Layer Road terraces.

I got the feeling that a lot of the people at the game wondered what they were doing here. I think most of them were secretly eyeing up potential salvage items. Working out what size of screwdriver to bring to the last game to loosen the seats. I hope no-one brings any WD40 along. The rust is just about the only thing keeping the stadium together.

Match 21 - Ipswich

2008-04-05T19:56:00.000+01:00

There's been a lot of chat in the last week about season ticket prices. That's not really what I want to talk about here, except to say that perhaps we should pay for our tickets AFTER each match, and based on the result and team performance. In this case I would gladly have paid treble the normal price for the display we were given today.
All sing: "Oh what fun it was to see, Ipswich lose away".

It reminded me of last season when we felt invincible at home. What's more, a clean sheet for the second time this season. It's still more than 50 years since the tractor boys won at Layer Road (and they'll never do it again!). The biggest crowd of the season saw arguably the most important result. I can accept relegation, based on results over the whole season, but what I couldn't accept is losing to Ipswich twice in one campaign. The lads didn't disappoint me.

A solid and experienced central defensive display meant the full backs and keeper could get on with their jobs. The forwards played together, linked up and continually threatened the Ipswich end. Midfield bridged the gap and generally frustrated attempts to build against us. I had to admit today that we have a half decent team at last. Mind you, I'll stick with 'half' decent for now. Given time they could become a fully decent team. At last there's something worth building on.

It was significant for me today that several injuries showed where the weaknesses have been at times over the season. Did we miss Virgo and Platt? Not at all. Did we yearn for Sheringham? Not at all. That was an interesting diversion in the first half of the season and it might have come off, but sadly it didn't really work. It's ironic that Teddy was meant to draw in bigger crowds, and maybe draw some more players in our direction. Well we did get a lot of draws, but we needed wins. Did we need to use our substitutes today? Not at all. We didn't last season either, when incidentally we slaughtered the Suffolk side 1-0.

What was especially pleasing was that the majority of the crowd stayed to applaud the team off the pitch. Even better was the response of the travelling fans to the Ipswich team as they walked towards them to thank them for coming along - they didn't boo them, or jeer at their players, they just waved them away, ... priceless!

Talking of priceless, in our section today we got to discussing what parts of the ground we might want to salvage as souvenirs of Layer Road after the last match of the season. It didn't take long to decide that there probably isn't anything material worth having. What you can't put a price on, or replace, are the memories of beating Ipswich here twice in two years - and they couldn't get a goal past us in either of those two encounters.

Let's hope there's good news in the coming week about some realistic ticket prices for next season. (Oops, sorry, I said I didn't want to mention those!)

Call Yourself Fans?

2008-03-30T03:56:00.000+01:00

Credit where it's due. The team put up a brave fight today against West Brom. Twice in the lead, but more poor defending meant we lost 3-4 in what it seems was a bit of thriller for the neutrals. But who cares about the neutrals when some of our own fans are clearly not satisfied with anything in life at the moment. I call them fans but in reality they just haven't a clue about the game. Are these the same people who proclaimed George Williams as a saint or a god last season? The very same fans who taunted virtually every visiting band in Terraces 1 and 2 for the best part of a year? Now they seem to think it's OK to call for George's head to be removed from the rest of his body. What sort of idiots are they that can't realise that on shoestring budget, the lowest ground capacity, a 50% change in the first team squad, a miserable run of injuries and half the squad playing like lemmings we just aren't going to compete at this level.

The Colchester United faithful will of course realise that last season, with much the same background resources and the ability to keep a settled team together the results were significantly different. But hang on a minute, the manager was the same George Williams wasn't it? That's right, the guy who was thrown in at the deep end because Parky thought he'd leave it to the last minute to jump ship and head for Hull. (Didn't HE do well?) But who else was part of the management structure that guided the lads upwards from League One and through to a 5th round FA Cup tie against Chelsea. Oh yes, the assistant manager, George (Geraint) Williams. The same man who has been with the club since 1998 as a player, assistant and full manager? The 'Coca Cola Championship Manager of the Month' for September 2006.

I think his record as a player, sportsman, coach, manager and human being speaks for itself. So how do some people reward this loyalty, dedication and hard-working? They want him sacked of course. Why oh why do they bother sending emails and texts to BBC Essex complaining about the manager when it's the players that are at fault? We have a bunch of players that aren't of the right quality to compete at this level. Can't these so-called fans realise this? What right does a squad of average ability have to play Championship games every week? These guys have been spoilt and they need to knuckle down and start to earn their pay once again.

For now we need to focus on the positives. We know the defence isn't up to scratch - look at the scoreline. Yet we managed to score more goals in today's match than in any other game since 20th October last year. That must count for something.

We know we are going down, so let's just accept the fact and hope for a squad that wants to play for Colchester United in League One and who will be dead keen to support their manager in getting promotion back up to the Championship. We've got a new stadium to look forward to. I've seen stuff written that suggests a lot of folk aren't going to renew their season tickets. Their loss! Bye!

Bring on the Tractor Boys for our next Cup Final. How many years since Ipswich last got a point at Layer Road?

Where Are They Now?

2008-03-23T02:56:00.000Z

I listened to the away game against Norwich live on the radio. This was almost as punishing as watching live. At times the team seem to come alive and make you think they can do something special. 2-0 down and then they wake up, score a goal, create several more chances and then camp in Norwich's penalty area for corner-kick practice just before half-time. Then in the second half it's a different team that emerges. The fight has gone out of them. Three more goals conceded and it's all over. To make things worse our leading striker from last season nets a hat-trick.

Therein lies the problem I'm afraid. Players from last season who no longer pull on the blue and white stripes for us. Cureton and Iwelumo plundered every defence on our behalf and scored a combined 41 league goals. Now they 'grace' the colours of Norwich and Charlton respectively. So far they have scored 22 between them with only a handful of games left. They have both had an impact in games against us. Garcia and Brown followed the money to Hull who now occupy a play-off place - like we also did last time for a while. Halford has been travelling the country (Reading, Sunderland, Charlton) seeking fame and fortune - one out of two can't be bad. Barker and Ephraim (both on loan last year) have now turned their stripes into hoops at QPR.

So that's last season - what about this season? Let's look at the team that strode out on the first game of the campaign at Brammal Lane. Six of the eleven are not currently in contention - Elokobi and Connolly are playing elsewhere, while Duguid, McLeod, Yeates and Sheringham (remember that famous U's player?) are all injured. I'm losing count of the centre halves that we keep breaking (Coyne and Heath). Long term injuries to Davison, Watson and Cousins. Not forgetting short term loanee Izale McLeod.

How many of the first starting line up at Sheffield United also started the match at Norwich this week? Three. Gerken, Jackson, Izzet. If you add in the substitutes I can find two more, Baldwin and White who have both struggled to command regular places.

Against this backdrop of defections and injuries how can any manager be expected to deliver the same results as last season, unless he has a solid squad of enough players to field two strong starting teams? Our current plight is not the manager's fault. It's partly circumstances, partly down to money, and partly the fact that Colchester have been unlucky with the amount of injuries. That doesn't mean the players are excused from turning up and performing for their employer every week.

Match 20 - Hull City

2008-03-19T06:56:00.000Z

This was the crunch match of the season for me. The club that stole two key players from us before the season started and our manager at the start of last season. Mind you we whipped 'em good an' proper last year (5-1) , a game that effectively saw Parky get the sack, and at the time put us on the verge of a play-off position and Hull rooted in the bottom three. How times have changed!

The standard of play was different too. I have to say that Hull played some attractive imaginative football at times and thoroughly deserved the win tonight. As for the U's, well once again I am amazed that the manager can think they gave 100%. I saw forwards ambling around for most of the game, unable to control or pass the ball. Midfield ran the ball into trouble for no apparent reason, and defenders were panicking whenever they had the ball with time to spare. That's not even 50% in my calculation. How we managed to keep the score so close for so long until the killer goal near the end I don't know. Even some of the die-hard fans were out on the street before the end of this game along with the regular early leavers.

I remember earlier in the season Kevin Watson moaning at the fans who were moaning at the players. For a good half an hour the fans tonight were in great voice and we had quite a noise from the away terraces to contend with too. The atmosphere was much like a lot of the home games last season when we were on a high. But then the final hour brought a procession of half-hearted attempts, poor passing, running into trouble, and time wasted by Gerken tending to his cabbage patch ahead of every goal kick.

Even the best chances passed by without so much as a 'wooooooooo' from the home support. It has reached the stage when we just know that there's no point in getting excited unless someone is clear on goal and it's a dead cert that it's going in.

On the radio after the game the BBC Essex commentator was obsessed with the standard of refereeing, despite Geraint Williams telling him to get over it and move on. In fact I heard there were a lot of fans who felt that the referee spoiled the game. True, he wasn't up to an acceptable standard, but the real reason we lost is that the players didn't show enough quality on the ball, not enough passion or desire to win, no sense of where their teammates were, no idea what to do with the ball. I'm sorry, but my fellow supporters are blind to the obvious. Forget the officials. We need to get back to basics and play a team game.

Match 19 - Cardiff City

2008-03-16T02:56:00.000Z

There was a brighter atmosphere at Layer Road this afternoon. The pressure of fighting for our lives seems to have been removed from us in view of the dire position we find ourselves in. I know it's actually, mathematically, statistically possible that we can extricate ourselves from this mess, but realistically in the final analysis we won't. The simple reason is that everyone else in the drop-zone above us is also fighting like mad to keep their heads above water. Our best hope, if there is one, is that they will somehow contrive to drown each other while we swim quietly around them and away.

But first we really need three points against the Bluebirds that flew across from Wales chanting their Wembley song. (I wonder if it really upsets them that the Millennium Stadium has been relegated now that Wembley is back on the agenda.) Three points, while those around us are losing their heads elsewhere in the country are vital to our own slim chance of survival. Three points to bring us closer to Scunthorpe - I'll bet no-one ever thought we'd be thinking like this. I remember earlier in the season Nigel Adkins, the Scunthorpe manager, saying he wanted to 'do a Colchester' in the Championship this season. I bet he wishes he'd kept his mouth shut now. Ironically our last match of the season is against them.

Three points just now would be one of the most welcome gifts we could ever enjoy in this sorry second season of Championship fun. Even Sheffield Wednesday might get nervous if they thought they had just got three points nearer the bottom of the league again. Three points. That's all I'm asking for. Preferably in the same match.

Well, I think I've been wishing too much for those three points. They have arrived in an envelope from the cops up the road in the Metropolis. It's a shame I didn't see the amber and red lights in time. An even bigger shame I didn't spot the camera or the signs either. So, I have my three points and I do wish I'd kept my mouth shut and my eyes open.

As it happens the one point we salvaged from Cardiff was a bright spot on an otherwise dull day. It brought the losing run to an end. We had the joy of seeing Hasselbaink sent off and Dave Jones getting ratty with the local fans. We saw the first senior start of Medy Elito, and another rock solid performance in the back four - Matt Heath on loan from League One strugglers Leeds. Smile, the man says, be happy, things could be worse.

So what shall I wish for next?

Match 18 - Sheffield Wednesday

2008-03-12T06:56:00.000Z

It would appear that there are two versions of what happened tonight. There is the version given by Geraint Williams in his post-match interview, and seemingly supported by the radio interviewer, that the players gave 100% in tonight's game. Sadly those who phoned, emailed, and sent text messages to BBC Essex had the same view of the game that I did. There were some absolutely dreadful performances out there. Gerken made us feel nervous all evening. The defence never looked like holding out for very long and it's thanks to Wednesday, for being the poor side that they are, that we only lost by one goal.

Mind you, the first quarter of an hour was uplifting. The first thing that made it all feel different was the choice of ends for starting the match. For the first time in simply ages we kicked off towards the Tamdown stand. It felt like things were going to be different. Then our goal celebrations were dampened by the uncertainty of whether the ball had crossed the line. Have you ever tried to start cheering again after your first attempt has started back-pedaling down your throat. For a few moments it wasn't clear whether we were in the lead until the linesman starting running back to the halfway line. Too late for most of us - we had to resort to celebratory actions without the words. However, after going a goal up the self-destruct button was pushed and by half time it really was all over bar the shouting.

Actually the shouting in one part of the ground was the most controversial part of the night. One foolhardy shirtless (yes, shirtless) Wednesday supporter in Terrace 2 kept Block A entertained for the first half. A curious set of circumstances then led to his ejection from the ground. The un-funny half-time roaming microphone carrier decided to invite all-comers from Terraces 1 and 2 for the crossbar competition. Our shirtless wonder didn't need any further encouragement and saw his chance to grace the hallowed turf. He wasn't really interested in the crossbar compo, and he didn't retreat more than 10 yards from the corner flag - preferring instead to engage in more bare-bating with the home fans. That was enough for the stewards who escorted him from the ground before the second half started.

There followed a lengthy period of chanting from both sets of supporters in favour of the ejectee, which resulted in a negotiated settlement whereby he was allowed to be reunited with his shirt and he disappeared into the depths of Terrace 2 for the rest of the evening. A victory for common sense? Hardly. The half-time safety announcement was forgotten so I have to conclude that we were at serious risk of danger for the next 45 minutes. Except that we weren't of course. There was no chance of the football creating any real enthusiasm after all that.

I think our fate is well and truly sealed now. I'd like to see us display our sense of humour when the away supporters taunt us with the predictable: 'Going Down, Going Down, Going Down'. We need to reply to the same tune: 'So Are We, So Are We, So Are We'. Or maybe someone will come up with a more original chant that we can take with us to our new home.

Let's cheer the Cardiff crowd on Saturday and remind them of their recent glory in reaching the Cup semi-final. Perhaps they will forget where they are and we will sneak a few goals while their minds are at Wem-ber-ley! We need to employ every tactic at our disposal now.

White Flag?

2008-03-06T03:56:00.000Z

First of all I have to pay tribute to the 120 or so devoted fans who travelled to Home Park Plymouth for the away thrashing that probably consigns us to playing Southend and Peterborough in League 1 next season. They are the true supporters of football at any level and from what I read in the papers the next day it seems that they have more faith than I do in the ability of our players to drag themselves out of trouble. There comes a time however when you have to get real and acknowledge your fate. Our fate, sad to say, is no longer totally in our hands. We rely on results in other parts of the country every week now. Realistically we need six wins out of the last 11 games and that's as many as we've managed all season in 35 games.

In the immediate future my eyes are on Scunthorpe, Sheffield Wednesday and Coventry and I wish them all the worst over the next nine and a half weeks - especially as we have to play all three of them in the run down. Looking further afield Preston, Leicester, Southampton and the other Sheffield outfit are possibly within range so my bad luck charms extend in their direction too - and two of these are also on our final checklist, so maybe we will have a little more say in the final reckoning after all.

But what of the good old U's and the Layer Road effect of last season? Is it just possible that even our own players are starting to feel intimidated by their own secret weapon - that they no longer feel welcome at Layer Road? Perhaps they have been spoilt by playing in the larger stadia which have seen some keen top flight conflicts over the years. Maybe they've had one eye on the new ground and are dreaming of future success in front of a capacity 10,000 crowd (or larger in years to come). Over the last few weeks it certainly seems as though the fans (myself included) have had their thoughts elsewhere during some games. Let's face it, at times the performance has left some people wishing they were somewhere else, and several of them have demonstrated that by leaving early.

I wonder how much effect the support from the terraces and stands really does have on a team's performance. I've speculated before whether the team needs to play well before the fans will respond or whether the fans need to be in full voice before the players even consider coming out for some pre-match practice.

Without a doubt we will be there to the very last home game hoping for a magical turnaround in performance and results along the way. I'm sure the 120 true fans will also be at Scunthorpe for the final game of the season. Is it too much to ask that this will be a final battle for survival - the winner gets to play at Derby next season?

Match 17 - Wolves

2008-03-02T03:56:00.000Z

Headline: George Elokobi puts in another solid performance at left back at Layer Road.

Sadly we sold him a few weeks ago to today’s opposition. I can’t pick another U’s player for special mention today. If I had to pick a Colchester ‘man of the match’ it would still be a Wolves player – any one of them. I left the ground feeling that even though Wolves were terrible and unlikely to have scored unless we gifted it to them – which we did – some of their players did more to threaten their domination of the game than we did. Even clear chances, or one-on-one with the keeper, or shots from afar went begging. I can’t argue that it just wasn’t our day. Wolves were the better team and they deserved to win because they kept on trying. The Wolves fans were louder as well.

I’ve mentioned Wolves enough times now to make a Very Important Point. What’s the next word that comes to mind when you think of wolves? Hungry! That’s what was missing. From the start of the afternoon’s entertainment (hah!) when the sponsors were paraded in front of us – fresh from the bar. They weren’t hungry either. They’d been polishing off their pints and pasties in the hospitality area. So it seems were the players. Nobody came onto the pitch with any indication of hunger. You just have to look at the forwards at kick-off. Their body language told us that they weren’t ready for this. Most of the rest were at least jumping on the spot or stretching their tired muscles. Our forwards were standing as still as statues, and they didn’t move much more during the rest of the match.

The defence weren’t hungry enough – let the ball bounce first – oops there’s a hungry Wolves player who does want the ball and it’s in the net. The midfield weren’t hungry today. Not one of them really got stuck in – none of them were booked. Free kicks and corners didn’t get above a few feet from the ground, and passes went astray. Everything about today’s performance was drab. It lacked passion and pride – and in the end it lacked what we actually need at the moment, Points! Yes, today was downright pointless.

Teddy Sheringham isn’t hungry for it any more either. He’s decided that this season will be his last. Well it’s looking like this will be our last in the Championship. It decision time chaps – forget the new stadium, which league do you want to be playing in next season?

I’ll bet if you ask the caterers who ate all the pies they’ll tell you that they sold more to the Wolves fans. Yes, even they were hungrier.

Match 16 - Bristol City

2008-02-24T03:56:00.000Z

The worst possible situation for me this week. Work prevented me from getting to the match and I was away at Milton Keynes. Bad luck or bad organisation? Fortunately my son did get there, and kept me up to date with major events by text. The first thing worth reporting was the half-time score of 0-0, followed by the sad news that the ‘Over the Wall’ board fell over while (bored?) waiting for a lengthy penalty competition to complete. In the end it seems the Wall wasn’t needed since there’s only so much time available between the halves for such riveting entertainment. That’s down to bad organisation again.

In the second half I was in my car and heading back home and the news on Radio 5 Live was that the U’s had taken the lead. This was followed within about 20 seconds by a ‘bleep!’ on my mobile to tell me a text message had arrived. I couldn’t stop to read it at this moment, but a minute later … ‘bleep!’… another text had arrived.

It didn’t need a brain surgeon to realise that probably meant there had been another goal, but who had scored it? I have to confess to a bit of pessimism here and it’s been true of the U’s this season that we are extremely vulnerable immediately after we have scored a goal. Today was no different and the BBC soon confirmed the fact that the scores were level. I got stuck in traffic for a few moments at this stage and managed to retrieve the two text messages from my son to further confirm the position. The first described in detail what had happened, while the second just said ‘1-1’.

I guess the scores were equal now between the BBC and my son in their efforts to get the news of Layer Road goals to me first. For the next five minutes I was anticipating a further update at any moment and I wasn’t sure if it was going to be a bleep! or the BBC that took the honours.

I didn’t have to wait long before the radio commentary reported, “… and now back to Simon Mann at Layer Road …” ‘bleep!’ “… and Bristol City have taken the lead.” The text message was as short as the previous one – ‘1-2’ and that’s the last I heard from my son.

The BBC did return to Layer Road a few times and raised my hopes of a redemption but there were no accompanying ‘bleeps’ from the mobile to lift my hopes. As I neared the Essex border I was able to get BBC Essex on my car radio and listen to the post-match-analysis and interviews. I think Neil Kelly was more disappointed than one of the players he interviewed, and that was also reflected in the response of the manager who confessed to being ‘annoyed’ at the way the players froze after taking the lead.

We can blame it on injuries, we can give credit to Bristol City for their hard work, we can look for any number of excuses, but in the end it probably comes down a simple case of bad organisation in defence.

Match 15 - Preston North End

2008-02-13T07:56:00.000Z

I've had this feeling for some time that we are on the verge of a turnaround in fortunes. Whenever I've told anyone about it they've looked at me as if I was bats! Now I've been looking for a sign for ages and it happened tonight. Just before the game started a bat appeared, yes a real bat with pointy ears and mouse-like facial features (any similarities with Mark Yeates are purely coincidental), from the dark regions under the roof of Block A. It darted back and forth a few times on its way to Terrace 2 (again - any similarities with a ball at Yeatesy's feet are not intended), where I guess it enjoyed an uninterrupted evening. Come to think of it - where was Mark Yeates this evening?

Fresh from the battle of Turf Moor where we shared the spoils for the thirteenth time this season there was an air of expectancy right from the off. Even the public announcements seemed clearer tonight - was it just the night air? Despite some rousing words from the stadium announcer and some extra noise from the batside (sorry - that's Barside) the first half was spectacularly uneventful. It was completely overshadowed by the junior penalty kick competition at half time where we won a thrilling encounter 3-2, despite some dodgy goalkeeping by Eddie the Eagle who seeemed to favour the away team this week.

In the second half it was an early bath for one of Preston's men after battering Doogie in the penalty area and Scott Vernon blasted the ball home for a deserved lead. We feared the worst after Preston equalised with about ten minutes left and prepared to batten down the hatches for a final onslaught.

But it was the superheroes of Layer Road who stepped up to the plate and sent in a battery of charges which resulted in a series of amazing events. I swear it all happened in slow motion . . . a cross from the right which found its way perfectly onto a blue and white head . . . a directed header down to the feet of a U's team-mate . . . and the ball struck first time with such sweetness . . . into the back of the net for what turned out to be the winner . . . but wait, the scorer was Jacko . . . and the shot came from his right boot! I'm sure he flew through the air during his celebration - the caped crusader. Three goals in three games - that's our first bat-trick this season.

Some frantic plays by the opposition couldn't breach our defensive battlements in the dying moments of the game and before we had filed out of the ground the announcement we had all been waiting for wafted through the airwaves - we are no longer bottom of the championship.

Onwards and upwards lads. Maybe we saw batman tonight, next up must be robin - which reminds me - Hull did a bit of that last summer, robbin' two of our players. Now it's our turn next Saturday.

Match 14 - Sheffield United

2008-02-03T03:56:00.000Z

It's been a long time since we played a home league match (last year) and our performances have been variable since then. Three away matches in which we have won, drawn and then lost (a close encounter 0-1 at Barnsley in midweek) leaving us still the strongest team in the Championship - holding everyone else up.

Discussion before the game centred on whether the away team would wear a change strip since both clubs wear stripes and it might be difficult for those with black and white TV sets to tell the difference. Check it out for yourselves!

Today's opponents have brought a veritable who's who of former top flight players to the most intimidating ground in the football league - 'The Management' of Bryan Robson and Brian Kidd with players Gary Speed, Ugo Ehiogu, James Beattie and Keith Gillespie. Beattie was good natured enough to share some humour with the home fans at one stage while warming up.

It was 'Welcome to Layer Road' for three new players making their home debut after some frantic activity by our own management during the January transfer window. Chris Coyne was dominant in defence, Phil Ifil was rugged at right back and Scott Vernon made his second appearance here this season as substitute (his first being for Blackpool when he scored both goals that beat us 2-0).

The most impressive thing today was the fact that the whole defence looked more confident for the most part. The midfield didn't have to stay back as much and started to get creative in their own way and it was great to see Duguid back in his right wing role. Even the guys up front seemed to be playing with more enthusiasm and it was a team performance that gave the fans a great afternoon's entertainment. OK there were a couple of slip-ups that cost us two goals, but that's for George to deal with in the changing room and on the training ground.

Our two goals were taken with small measures of opportunism and luck and a 2-2 draw was probably the right result. No-one was really upset at this, except that I found it really strange that there were a few dozen home fans leaving the ground a good ten minutes before the end with the scores level. Didn't they want to see us score again and win it, or had they seen the future and they knew it was all over?

There was a lot more noise and enthusiasm from the fans today and I realised that we will be lacking a major voice in the new stadium. I guess I have to call it 'Woody' - the wooden boards in the stands. At corners and free-kicks we have our own drumbeats to regulate and build up the heart rhythms of the players and strike fear into the opposition. How will we manage without the wooden boards? What are the alternatives - CUFC drums on sale in the club shop? Or maybe just slap the seat in front of you?

We left the ground today with the feeling that we have it in us to beat the drop. It's not going to be easy, or even pretty, but it will be gritty with performances like today. Bring on the Burnley.

New Stadium

2008-01-27T03:56:00.000Z

I was fortunate enough to attend a presentation and reception about the new stadium this week. I learned a few things about our new home. First of all it's a 10,000 seater. I guess the seats will cost at least £23 a match (as they do now) so that's potential revenue of £230,000 each game, or potential more than £5 million for the season. At an average of £250,000 for a new player that's a nice squad of 20 for starters (without agents' fees, expenses and their ongoing wages of course)!

The floodlights will be the traditional type - on pylons in each of the four corners - instead of being built into the stands. This will need a rethink if the decision is ever made to increase the seating capacity by filling in the corners. There are quite a few executive boxes planned (24) and there are already quite a few that have been snapped up. It works out that all the boxes being sold for the season generates around half a million pounds for the club. That's two more players thank-you.

There's plenty of space being allocated for disabled access, making it one of the best in the league in this respect. Sadly the car parking is going to cost a packet. There are over 600 spaces at the ground but it's going to cost £10 + vat per match for the privilege of parking there. That's only about six grand per game, or over a hundred and fifty thousand for the season (that's half a player).

Let's not forget this is a community stadium so outside of matchdays it will be available for other uses. Who will be the first to get married there? I only hope it's a U's fan who's the first to get hitched in the new surroundings. Maybe they'll offer a discount and provide a guard of honour from the current squad. Food for thought?

Talking of food. There will be restaurant facilities at the stadium in addition to all the usual catering outlets. A 'Chef's Table', VIP area, and a number of 'Suites' (air conditioned of course) help to complete the picture. Whoever would have believed it, indoor air-conditioning and fine dining at the U's? This is serious stuff.

There are a few unresolved questions at the moment. First of all is season ticket prices although I believe that will be publicised fairly soon. Then of course we want to know how much space we get to occupy for each seat (seat width and legroom). I don't suppose we can expect padded seats but maybe for a small additional cost you can have a cushion which doubles as something to wave when we score a goal.

Of course the big question is the name of our hallowed place of worship. I'm sure people have realised that there are obvious negative issues around the name 'Cuckoo Farm'. Apart from the likely calls whenever a goal is scored against us, the fact that cuckoos lay their eggs in other birds' nests is bound to give visiting fans a head start. There must be a public competition to decide on this, and I'd like to think that each of the four stands could be named after prominent U's who have served us well in the past. Then again, perhaps we need to keep our famous Barside too.

Unless there are some useful or interesting suggestions we could end up with North, South , East and West stands, or the 'A12 End', or even the 'Severals Enclosure'. I'd also like to think that the name of 'Layer Road' could be included somewhere on site - how about the walkway under the stands?

Whatever it's called it will be home to the U's.

Pitch Waterlogged

2008-01-20T03:56:00.000Z

The homecoming of two our former favourites has been delayed by heavy rain. Lots of it. There’s not a lot we can do about this. I don’t know how many of our squad can swim, but on the evidence of recent matches I should imagine several would be floundering. I’m sure the ground staff will get the carpet back into tip top condition in no time at all. I only just realised that we managed to get through the whole of last season without a game being cancelled.

I hope when we eventually get to play this game the fans will give Wayne Brown and Richard Garcia a rousing welcome. Garcia scored 21 goals in 96 games during the most successful spell the club has ever enjoyed, and netted our first ever Championship goal. Brown played every minute of every game last season and was easily our player of the season. The evidence is in the goals conceded column this season. We should be grateful for what they did for us.

After the welcome, then it’s another matter. They are Hull players now and we want to make them feel as uncomfortable as possible during the game. Yes we can laugh at them every time they make a bad play and we can jeer when they do something we don’t like. For ninety minutes we should forget what they did for us.

At the end of the game we can thank them again for coming along to Layer Road one more time, and let’s hope they return the compliment.

Transfer Window

2008-01-13T03:56:00.000Z

This is the time of year when unwanted Christmas presents get sorted out. Realisation sets in that the tie isn’t really to your taste, you might even have tried the body spray once but it leaves an unpleasant smell, and as for the chocolates and other sweets, well they just don’t fit with the New Year Resolution to lose weight. Anything else can just be chucked out. It’s no different in football – they just call it the Transfer Window, or January for short.

It’s time to reassess the squad, the gifts bestowed on the manager in times past, and those forced upon him by circumstances. It’s unlikely that he’ll shed anything that was on his own Christmas list though.

The U’s have had the fortune to pick up two ‘presents’ from other clubs. One was chucked out by Spurs (to add to the growing number of North London evacuees) and the other was, well I’d best describe it as ‘stolen’ from a neighbour. OK so the neighbour couldn’t keep up the payments and they look doomed to a very uncertain future, and the player himself has financial commitments of his own to meet I expect. I guess we are acting as a Good Samaritan in this instance. Now if I was a Luton supporter would I be looking at the sale of my captain as an act of benevolence, a necessary move to balance the books, or a lifeline to longer term survival? Of course not, but then, I’m not a Luton supporter.

The best news for the fans is that we have bought two defenders and a third is being talked about. The not so good news, or rumour to be precise, is that our own captain is being sought by other clubs. This has been fuelled by the fact that he didn’t travel to the away game at Bristol City, and isn’t on the injury list. We’ll just have to hope that he is just gazing out of the window, taking time to reflect on his career and will return to midfield very soon – a role that would improve the structure of the team I believe.

As for the match against the Robins, well I’m delighted with another solid performance away from home and still completely bemused that we can’t transfer this to our Home matches. Who was it that said ‘It’s a funny old game, football’ ? He was right. Just look at what happened to the Championship table for that game. Bristol started the game in third place, we were one up from the bottom. After a 1-1 draw, they went top and we went bottom. Work that one out!

FA Cup - Peterborough

2008-01-06T03:56:00.000Z

The romance of the F A Cup is with us at Layer Road for the first time in a couple of years. After being dumped out of the cup away at Barnet in last year's 3rd Round we were looking for something special to rekindle the memory of the season before that when we made it all the way to Chelsea in the 5th Round. Something special was on the cards too since we beat Charlton away in the Championship on New Year's Day to start 2008 off on a positive note.

I really expected a good turn out for this encounter with one of our East Anglian rivals, despite the fact they are in League Two, and especially because they have Ferguson Jnr in the managerial position. I took advantage of the automatic issue of tickets for cup games to keep my usual seats warm and I expected to see all the familiar faces around me.

I was in for a real shock on all fronts today. We only recognised two others in our area of seating. It seems that very few season ticket holders chose to buy their own seats for the Cup and there were huge gaps in the stands all round the ground - except in the away terraces which were full. I was shocked to hear that the total gate was just over 4000, our lowest of the season by a long way. What on earth has happened to the Layer Road 'faithful'?

What on earth has happened to the players yet again? Another abysmal performance only made worse by the fact that even the players know they are playing badly (post-match interview with BBC Essex) yet they don't know what to do about it. It seems they are happy to be dropped and replaced with new players if the transfer window should open wide enough to let through a glimmer of hope for us. I have to question who in their right mind would want to come and play for us at the moment. Most of the first team squad clearly don't.

I think it's time for Teddy Sheringham to re-evaluate what he wants to get out of this season. I really hoped that some of his experience would rub off onto the others, but I fear that it has worked the other way. Our shining star is beginning to fade and I'd much rather we let him go than drag him down with us the way we are performing at the moment. The difference in class between Sheri and the others is far too wide and there isn't a hint that anyone wants to match him. I'm glad he managed to snatch the ball quickly to grab the penalty kick and put it away with deadly accuracy.

That was the only good point in a match that again saw us give in to simple crosses and allow the opposition to run straight through us. We didn't compete, we didn't challenge for the ball, we didn't string together any meaningful passes, we didn't look like we were ever going to score. Losing 1-3 is what we deserved and I would have been tempted to say that we can now concentrate on our league position, but I fear that might be beyond a few of the players.

Perhaps it's just a passing phase. Perhaps we have hit rock bottom and the players will rise to the challenge. Perhaps there are a few players out there who fancy their chances at keeping us in the Championship for our new ground.

I read somewhere that football is the new religion. We're already on our knees. Perhaps if we keep our hands close together in front of us and we mutter some kind words of encouragement, and we promise to forget all previous transgressions, missed opportunities, bad passes, and poor defending, we just might, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, ...

Match 13 - Blackpool

2007-12-30T03:56:00.000Z

... and so we descend the steps into the depths of despair and darkness. The light at the end of the tunnel appears to be indicating something along the lines of 'League One - Here We Come'.

The writing was on the wall of the tunnel at the start of this game. The guard of honour on the pitch as the players emerged was one of our junior teams wearing the colours of our opposition - tangerine! As someone told me at the time, we could have been playing any other team in the league and there wouldn't have been a clash - but for this one day only it just had to be orange. Who was it that suggested the future's bright ...?

Anyway, everyone agrees this was our worst display in the Championship, ... ever. I've been saying that things can only get better for us, but the lads have defied me and decided to dig in for the long run. They're making me sweat it out until the end of the season I reckon.

It's got me thinking that it's good for every set of football fans to be placed in this position at some time during their lives - bottom of the table. It makes you realise that everyone's fallible. No-one has a divine right to be top of the league year after year. No-one has a right to win all their games. Except that there appears to be a number of club owners, and fans, who believe that's just the case. It's a view supported by the FA, UEFA, and FIFA in the way they manage and structure the game.

The old First Division used to be a great place for football until the Premier League happened. Now there appears to be a real issue about the quality of clubs that earn their place by playing the best football over a whole season in a lower league. Let's not forget that some Coca Cola League Two teams used to be in the top flight in the not so distant past - Bradford City and Notts County. But people also try to argue that Leeds and Nottingham Forest are 'really' Premiership quality clubs. Sorry - look at their results and league positions over the last few years. Then look at Colchester United. We ARE a Championship club. At least we are this season.

Next season we will be whatever we are at that time. Oh yes I desperately want us still to be in the Championship and that's what I'll be cheering for right up to the end of this season. But I'll also cheer a few other things as we stagger along the Championship tightrope, and I'm pleased to say that there are hundreds of other U's fans who are doing the same.

Witness the scene towards the end of the Blackpool game when the opposition make a substitution. They replace the scorer of their two goals and the home crowd gives him a round of applause. OK it was Scott Vernon and he used to be one of us, albeit for just 4 games at the end of our promotion season.

Witness the scene when we've finally been beaten and the players are leaving the pitch - most of the crowd has left early, but several hundred did stay behind and applaud both sets of players off the field. I'm proud to be a U's fan.

Were you watching, Jamie Cureton? No, of course not.

Match 12 - Southampton

2007-12-27T03:56:00.000Z

It's Boxing Day and another Christmas is upon us. We've needed something to take our minds off the drop to bottom place in the table after last week's defeat at QPR (now the richest club in the country with £100 billion of Formula 1 motor racing money backing them). It's lifted their game and their league position above us and out of the bottom three as well. Perhaps Christmas will see a change in our fortunes too. In one respect it has, our highest home attendance of the season so far with over 6100. That's not far off capacity and I saw three pairs of empty seats directly in front of me as well. But that also meant the cold wind could hit me directly.

It didn't feel like a big crowd today. Southampton did bring quite a few and they only had a couple of chants to entertain us with. They did try the old chestnut about us 'going down' but that's boring. We had high hopes since we beat them 2-0 here during our home run last season.

The lack of action at times today meant the whole stadium descended into silence a few times - it was quite eerie really, especially for a ground that has been hailed as one of the noisiest in the league. Quite ironically one of the biggest cheers from home fans happened when a Southampton player mis-hit the ball into the crowd. The biggest cheer from the away supporters was reserved fro the kids penalty competition at half time, which was almost better entertainment than the rest of the match.

Another 1-1 draw at home - the 4th time in two months. One point is better than none however, and it does give us some hope for the weekend coming up. It does also leave us 2 points adrift at the bottom of the table, when a win would have seen us climb two places.

Probably the most desperate thing about the whole match is the continued lack of confidence shown by our players. There are every few occasions when they try to string together more than 2 passes - and sometimes that's beyond them. I'm sure they would benefit from a course of hypnotherapy. Or should the fans be given this luxury? Maybe it happened last season.

Did we really finish in tenth place? Are we really playing in the Coca Cola Championship or is it an alternative reality drummed into our heads by some clever (or boring) chanting by opposition fans a couple of seasons ago? Maybe we'll wake up soon and find that this season has been the fantasy and we can get ourselves back on track for a grandstand finish and march proudly into Cuckoo Farm in 2008 as a Championship club.

I can wish can't I?

Match 11 - Norwich City

2007-12-16T03:56:00.000Z

A bottom of the table clash against Norwich, and the return of the Curo. Jamie Cureton can hardly have expected this when he moved to Norwich at the end of last season to seek more fortune. In the corresponding fixture last season we beat the Canaries 3-0 with goals from three players who jumped ship at the end of the season, including Cureton. Forgive me for referring to him by his surname. I might have been more welcoming if it wasn't for his abysmal behaviour when he taunted the home fans throughout the game by 'proudly' showing the home fans his yellow shirt. The banter between the ex-player and some home fans was nearly one of the highlights of the match. I didn't detect a whole lot of exchanges between opposing fans today either. Much like last season the atmosphere between the fans and the players alike was generally too friendly. The game didn't have the bite that we have come to expect from a local derby. Perhaps it's because we share a common bond - a dislike of the team that resides in between us on the map, the Tractor Boys.

Anyway a dull match that deserved to be a goal-less draw actually ended 1-1 and kept us both languishing down below. I'm pleased to say however that some players, most notably Kem Izzet seem to have taken heed of the comments in my last posting and there was a distinct sign of some extra effort.

Sadly the half-time entertainment continues to be a joke and the safety announcement is beginning to show signs of ageing with a lot of crackles preceding the main message. Perhaps it's time to record a clean version and play that instead. Perhaps it's also time to re-think the half-time entertainment big time. Please don't think we are entertained by people who can't kick a ball properly, or lift it over a wall of wooden players, or drop it into a shed with no roof. Sky TV viewers deserved more than this.

Actually they did get more - half time was extended by a further couple of minutes while the British Army (OK, a marching band) took their time leaving the pitch at the furthest point away from where they needed to be. No one was going to argue with them.

Early Christmas Presents

2007-12-09T03:56:00.000Z

Am I the only one in an upbeat mood today. We’ve just been beaten 4-1 away at Cardiff and we have dropped into the bottom three for the first time this season. If I worked in the media I’d probably be scouring the tables for the last time we were in the bottom three – which happens to be near the start of last season when we had an abysmal run of four losses (and we still weren’t ever in bottom place!). So the point is that we can pull ourselves out of this – the other teams will have bad runs of form and we will have our golden patch. At the moment it seems that it’s just me and George Williams who are thinking positively about things. We want Cuckoo Farm to be a Coca Cola Championship ground, a stadium of might, a statement of where Colchester belong in the football world.

But first we need to win a few games and get ourselves back up the table. Starting with Norwich next week. Well my contribution to this is to provide selected members of the squad with some early Christmas presents that should help to improve their game. Not that I can afford anything that any one of them can’t afford themselves, but I do think that I have identified a few coaching tips that need to be taken on board during every game.

My gift is an honest appraisal of what I, and others at Layer Road, have been shouting all season. Sad to say that one or two players only seem to hear the boos from certain sections of the ground, but perhaps they ought to put microphones in the crowd and listen to the (constructive) comments once in a while. Here is my advice, freely given, and gift wrapped in this blog.

The Whole Squad
For starters I’d give everyone a yo-yo. It may them help to realise that what goes down can come back up. It might take a bit of practice and it can’t be taken for granted but if you keep at it, then you’ll master the art and soon be able to try some fancy flicks and tricks. Ask Teddy, he’s been there.

Dean Gerken - The Gardener
Please don’t spend so much time digging up the pitch for goal kicks. Please don’t spend so much time holding onto the ball when you get it in your hands. I can tell you like having the spotlight on you but we would appreciate it much more if you released the ball earlier. I reckon you collect the ball about thirty times during a game at an average of 10 seconds each time. That’s 5 minutes of the match that the ball is stationary in your possession and that’s more than your fair share. How many times do you actually release the ball into the possession of one of your own team, instead of a big kick that we all hope reaches one of them?

Karl Duguid
At the last enquiry it appears you are still not a member of Equity (actors’ union) so please give up that part of your game. OK it sometimes gets a player sent off, and occasionally wins a free-kick. But how many goals have we scored from those set pieces? Not enough. It’s an embarrassment really and we all know when you are acting up so it would be better to channel your natural footballing talent and energy into doing something more productive, like forging runs down the wing (since there’s usually no-one else down there).

George Elokobi
Good guy, bad guy? Which one are you? Do you want to play for Colchester, or not? You have good games and bad games and we can’t work you out. You’ve got a lot of strength but it doesn’t always transfer into skill that works for the team. OK you got a goal recently, but we really need a solid and reliable defence. It means you need to be there and be aware of where your team mates are. That means looking for them and not expecting them to cover for you.

Johnnie Jackson
You need the Layer Road equivalent of Harry Potter’s Marauders Map. A magic map that shows where everyone is, and where the ball is. I concede that you run around the pitch the whole game and you are probably the most exhausted player at the end of the game. But what have you actually done? I rarely see you involved in a lot of action and I wonder where you’ve been. Get stuck in for more of the game and you might just find you enjoy it more.

Kem Izzet
Now you get stuck in more than most, but you are picking up bad habits from other players, particularly from Doogie and the forwards. You will never be like them, you are not tall enough for starters – sorry to be so blunt. Try to develop your own game and have the confidence to push the opposition backwards. Make them afraid of you.

Kevin Watson
If you don’t want to hear the boos then get some ear plugs. I guess you are afraid of picking up more injuries. It’s clear to everyone that you don’t like to tackle or to head the ball. Pretending to go for the ball and then backing off does nothing to the opposition. They know that’s what you do and they just go in fearless, in the knowledge that they will win the ball and that you will back away.

Mark Yeates
It may come as a surprise to you to lean that there are other players on the field in your own team. They would love it if you passed the ball to them. The goals you score from set pieces are great – it’s just that we think you are selfish. In a recent game I counted ten times from the start of the game that you got the ball and didn’t pass to one of your own team. It may look good if you beat one or two players, but then you’ve got to do something sensible, like pass it to a colleague, not try for a third and then lose it. It doesn’t wash when you whack the ball across into space and shrug your shoulders as if to blame everyone else. The fans are no longer amused. Become a team player.

Kevin Lisbie and Clive Platt
Work it out guys! Who does what? Neither of you seem to have any kind of ball control. You get tons of chances but the ball never seems to stick to you. It’s happened far too often to put it down as ‘unlucky’. Work at it. Practice trapping, controlling and running with the ball. Basic stuff really. Glancing the ball off into space doesn’t set anyone up. Think about how many times either of you actually pass the ball to another player on your team in a dangerous situation. Watch some videos of Teddy – better still, talk to him.

George Williams
Keep at it Boss. You are an inspiration to the team and the fans. It was always going to be a difficult season after what you achieved last year, especially with the amount of players that jumped ship. I just hope our current players can learn from their mistakes and see that playing the ball to each other as much as possible will eventually win through. Team work is what it takes, and the fans like to think they are part of that team too.

The truth hurts, and it pains me to have said all this. But, no pain no gain.

Now for Norwich. Canaries? Pretty colours, but best kept locked up in cages.

Happy Xmas.

Match 10 - Watford

2007-12-05T07:56:00.000Z

Evening games. The atmosphere is so much more intense under floodlights. It's said that sound carries further and colours are more vivid at night too. In the case of Layer Road on a match night I can add that both of these also apply to smells. I'm not sure if being in a stand above the toilets and one of the catering outlets has anything to do with it, but the heady aroma of these things was ever present during the match against table-toppers Watford.

One of the most eagerly awaited matches this. Watford were on a downward roll after we shocked them 2-2 at their place less than a month ago. Three consecutive defeats have followed that and we were fresh from an away victory at Sheffield Wednesday last Saturday. Sadly that was enough to relegate Teddy Sheringham to the bench until late in the game - we can't expect too much from the old boy can we?

We've had a thing about beating high flyers in recent times. Last season for instance we got the better of Derby in a 7 goal thriller, kept the ball rolling in early November by beating Cardiff (then top of the table) during 'Our Home Run', held Birmingham to an exciting 1-1 draw here and put an end to Sunderland's unbeaten run when they had just about clinched the Championship. Notice that three of those teams are now in the Premiership. That's right, we don't respect table position so tonight's game was there for the taking and inside half an hour we were two up.

Then a familiar thing happened. A crack, as big as the one in the Tate Modern, appeared in our defence and it stayed there for the rest of the game. Two goals for the Hornets just before half time and they came out buzzing in the second half. A third just after the hour and we were playing catch up for the rest of the game.

The half-time entertainment was a stream of people who just wanted to stand in front of the crowd. Not sure what was supposed to happen but we did applaud the efforts of the fundraisers from St Helena Hospice, and one or two others, but the announcements went on a bit too long at times and we just lost the will to clap. Especially after our hopes of a draw in the crossbar competition were resting on a young lady who was allowed to place the ball 10 feet closer than everyone else. Yes, she blasted the ball 10 feet over the bar!

We struggled to get back into the game and it was a disappointing end to what promised much more for us. It was our own fault - we didn't compete enough or play as a team at key moments. The game wasn't helped by the interference of a certain Mr Kettle, the match referee. He played his own game. He took his time over his own decisions yet penalised time-wasting, over-ruled his assistants, booked 7 players, and in the words of Mr Williams in his post-match interview the referee was 'a good advertisement for himself tonight'. Interestingly Mr Kettle and his assitsants were dressed in Watford's home colours! I did say something stinks tonight!

Match 9 - Crystal Palace

2007-11-25T03:56:00.000Z

After a suitable period of mourning for the national team it's back to the real action of Championship football. Not that I'm mourning for the players in the England team of course, or even the manager, it's the state of English football that I care most about. I blame the F.A. Yes the Fat Asses who control the game and who know sweet F.A. about football. Oh yes, they might know a lot about business, and what they will call the 'business of football' but none of this can translate into a passion for the game.

When was the last time they all stood on a terrace for over two hours in the middle of winter with nothing to show but Frozen Assets at the end of a match. I know I'm one of the softies who has a regular seat at Layer Road, but that's on account of my Flippin' Arthritis and I like to think I've done my time at the real end of the game. When have they ever sat at a match where they cared about watching some Ferocious Action and prayed for help, and I mean put their hands together and asked Him to grant their wishes. Except of course it probably did happen last week when they realised that there'd be Falling Advertising revenues from sponsors who were banking on a profitable Euro 2008 campaign.

Sad to say but this sense of grief returned early in the game against Palace, just six minutes into the First 'Arf' and we were one down. Worse was to come a minute later when Baldwin Flapped his Arms and Ifill Fell About as though he'd been shot. But somehow from that point it became a match worth saving. The boys slowly clawed their way back into contention. It wasn't pretty, but we don't ask for that. We just ask that they try, and try they did. By half time things were looking positive and you could tell we were on the up because our Favourite Announcement told us that Ipswich had lost earlier.

The half time entertainment had a mis-match in 'Over-The-Wall'. One very young contender was barely taller than the ball, but he surprised everyone by winning the contest and may even be in contention for the Wickes DIY Vouchers at the end of the season. The Palace supporters were delighted and cheered him back to his place on the terraces to the tune of 'Sign him up, sign up, sign him up'. Let's hope he's a Free Agent?

In the second period it looked like we wanted to salvage something and a superb piece of Footie Action resulted in the equaliser. At this point Palace were expected to Fall Apart and gift us the game. But no, they hadn't read the same script and Neil Warnock's men decided that a draw wasn't enough for them and they upped their pace and took the lead once again.

Despite the reappearance of our Fallen Angel, Teddy Sheringham MBE (Mischievous Bl**dy Elbow) and some Frantic Activity in the remotest areas of the field the result was to be the same as the corresponding fixture last season.

I have to say that the lads battled marvellously throughout the last eighty three minutes, but in the Final Analysis, we lost 1-2, and we scored no points, and it Felt Awful trudging down Layer Road with nothing to show for our efforts.

I blame the F.A.

Armchair Coach

2007-11-11T03:56:00.000Z

Another away game today, so time for a little more reflection on the state of football at Layer Road. Following the theme of the last couple of postings here I thought it might be useful to document some further thoughts on how the U's might improve on their recent performances. I'm going to suggest something quite radical, mainly because most people think it's obvious. It's a tricky technique which only a few players seem to have mastered sufficiently to display it with confidence in front of the home fans.

These observations stem from a number of years of experience of playing football at various levels from playground and street soccer, school teams, youth leagues, Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning local leagues, a bit of experience at Intermediate level, and work based teams, to six-a-side, coaching youth teams, refereeing at Junior and Intermediate levels, and most importantly studying thousands of matches on TV from the comfort of my armchair. I have even experienced the joy of this technique while listening to the radio. So you can see I have an impressive pedigree which, for the record, includes watching the 1966 World Cup Final on TV, and 'I Was There' when we beat Leeds in 1971.

So please believe me when I say 'it works'. It works because it's so simple. In fact everyone who watches football knows it works. They know it's really the only way to win matches. I have a sneaking suspicion that professional players know it works, but I guess it's the embarrassment of doing it in front of thousands of fans at Layer Road in that intimate atmosphere of drama, dreams and desire that makes grown men crumble.

What I'm talking about is - passing the ball to a team-mate....

Seriously folks, no-one is going to laugh if you get it wrong or it doesn't work every time. We just want to see you trying it out regularly. Practice makes perfect so they say. Doing it on the training ground doesn't count. There aren't any opposing teams there. You know each other so you get fooled into thinking it's too obvious, too easy, too straightforward (hey, there's another coaching technique!).

What we see all too often is the almighty 'hoof' up the field to the other team's defence. We've been blessed with giant centre forwards in recent years and what we see is them rising above the rest, getting their delicate hairdos to the ball, the deftest of flicks, and ... what? The ball disappears into no man's land or to an opposing player. Why not head it deliberately to one of your team mates? Why not bring the ball under control (we are talking professional footballers here, aren't we?) and look for a team mate to pass it to. Don't put the ball into space and shrug your shoulders cos' no-one can read your mind. Don't put a long ball over everyone's heads and then look amazed at how small the pitch is. Look for the blue and white striped shirt if you can't recognise your mates' faces. Away matches are trickier of course, but let's start with the easy option and try to win some home games.

Just imagine stringing several passes together between players of the same team. You know what happens when you get beyond 5 passes. The fans lose count and start to treat it like a bullfight spectacle - cheering every pass as the bull (I mean the opposition) goes mad trying to get a sniff of the damn ball. Tease the other team for a few minutes, make them forget what it's like to touch that magnetic rolling rock that sticks to our feet, show it to them at just beyond their reach, then snatch it away at the last moment and pass the cape to a team mate. They won't like it, they can't cope with it and they have to resort to a rash tackle in that area of the pitch that has become known as Yeates' Alley. And we know what we expect to happen then. Different ball game!

So come on lads, start performing like 'Yeates and his Mates', the 'Teddy Boys', the 'KKK' (that's Karl to Kevin [W] to Kevin [L]), or dare I say it ..... Colchester United.

So what happens then? As I'm writing this the lads have just been to church (Vicarage Road) and have been absolved for all their previous sins and have come away with a cracking result. Sadly just the one point, but against the table toppers Watford and we did scare the pants off them for a while with a 2-1 lead and Deano saving a penalty. Great stuff.

We now start the next game with a clean sheet so come on lads, try out this passing stuff in front of the home fans. Amaze us with your team spirit. Pass the ball to your team mates. The rest will happen naturally. You know it makes sense.

Match 8 - Plymouth

2007-11-07T07:56:00.000Z

Football lesson number 2 - this is a goal. It's where you need to get the ball to rest, as often as possible in the course of each game (preferably the opponents goal - it's getting tricky this coaching lark, you have to be so specific with players these days).

There isn't much to say about the actual football in this match - there wasn't much at all. Stringing passes together was beyond the reach of most players. Yeates (note - not 'Yeatesy') was playing is own game as usual and shrugging his shoulders every time a bad shot at goal didn't connect with anyone. He was lucky the goalkeeper parried his only shot on target into the path of Lisbie for our only reward of the game. We had a back-pedalling defence, a midfield that didn't want to challenge for the ball and forwards who couldn't make the ball stick to them. It was really hopeless tonight.

The half-time entertainment was dire with no-one hitting the bar in the head to head between supporters and 'Over the Wall' was so slowly played that the safety announcement was quickly interrupted by the return of the bit part players.

And what on earth what Kevin Watson on about in his post-match interview when he criticised 10 or 15 fans for their adverse reaction to the poor performance? Actually he was well wide of the target - it was 200-300 disgruntled fans who appeared to reflect the abysmal performance of the team on the pitch. Watson should concentrate on what WE are paying him for. He's supposed to make an effort, not chicken out of every tackle, or straighten his shirt sleeves before every half-hearted attempt at not heading the ball. He might think he looks good at distributing the ball sideways from time to time, but that's not enough.

Get stuck in! Show us some passion and we will also show some passion. The fans behaviour reflects what's happening on the pitch. After losing two games and scraping two home draws there's a reason for the fans being unhappy. You have made us appreciate the good life and we want to see something better. The players still get paid (far more than most of their supporters) even when they play like this. Watson should listen to the post-match interview of his manager and try to learn how to behave.

(And this is the edited version of my post-match interview with my son.)

Match 7 - Leicester

2007-11-04T02:56:00.000Z

Football lesson number 1 - this is a ball. It's what you need to play with. Use your feet to kick it.

The defeat at Ipswich has been followed up with another away defeat, this time at Coventry where a couple of deflections summed up our day - the first being deflected shot that became the only goal of the game and the second being Sheringham's elbow that he couldn't control as it deflected off an opponent. It's funny how we start to refer to players just by their last name when we are upset with their performance. In previous posts here it's been Teddy this, Teddy that. Not now. A moment's madness and he's another one consigned to the rogue's gallery for a while.

So the Leicester game wasn't going to be much of an affair. In the end the result was a close repeat of last season's encounter with yet another score draw. The only differences compared to last year were that we equalised just before half-time (instead just after last year) and Doogie didn't get sent off (see what I mean - I'm using a friendly name at the moment).

The highlight of the game though was the interplay between the two sets of supporters. I have to say that the opposition got the better of us today. This time it was a Fat 'Les' Leicester bloke with a big drum who led his brave army into vocal battle against our 'Tambourine Man'. I normally enjoy our drum beat charges, but today we were really left wanting more. I wont bang on about it any more.

We aren't doing ourselves any favours at the moment and we are now starting to occupy a regular spot in the bottom half of the Championship table. We aren't used to this and it's going to take some serious effort ont he part of the players to reverse the trend. I'm finding it difficult to list some positives here. Never mind, there's always Tuesday evening.

Green, Green Grass of Home

2007-10-24T15:56:00.000+01:00

A couple of things have happened since the West Brom game that have left me thanking my lucky stars that we have Layer Road and our very own patch of green, green grass that we call Home. And it has made me question a couple of previously held beliefs.

The first was watching some bits of the Southampton v Cardiff match on TV on Sunday as part of my warm up for the big match - Hamilton v Alonso v Raikkonen. I wasn't really watching the game, I was listening to the noise coming from the TV. The echo of the crowd in the St Mary's Stadium suggested that only a few hundred had bothered to turn up. A check in the press the next day suggested there were nearly 21000. I guess most were sleeping, but it did mean that we could have fit our capacity into the space that remained and still had room for 3000 more. The rattling of voices off the walls showed that a ground being only 63% full hasn't got any atmosphere. The learning outcome here for me is that maybe 10,000 is adequate for Cuckoo Farm, for the time being anyway. Let's not lose the terrific and glorious 'Real Football Roar' that erupts from everywhere except Terraces 1 and 2. Six and a half thousand muted voices in a larger stadium and we might as well be talking to ourselves. We need to live up to the title we won last season.

The second life changing event happened at Portman Road on Tuesday night for our first local derby of the season. It was a last minute decision and I managed to get a couple of tickets on the morning of the game, but my son and I had to sit in the Cobbold Stand shoulder to shoulder, back to knees (knees in my back, my knees in someone else's back), with a few thousand tractor drivers from another world. We had agreed that we were not going to say or do anything that might get us 'outed' as travelling criminals in that part of the world where we hoped to steal three points points from under their noses. The plan started well and we took the lead in the most eerie fashion I have ever experienced. A great build up and stunning shot after half an hour. We had the lead and the roar was choking inside us. It happened without any noise - it was like watching the TV with the sound off. Had we really scored? Were we really one-nil up? Did we really have those three points in our grasp? Well the way the match went for the next 40 minutes either side of the break suggested we had already banked the three points.

Then an extraordinary set of events - a penalty where the ref didn't send off the offending keeper, who then has the cheek to save the spot kick, and town of Ipswich wakes up. They spot that we are making off with the booty and I'm sure they don't know how they did it but they managed to wrestle one point back from us and put one of the others spinning through the air for a few minutes. Then they snatched the whole damn lot and ran off to the bank themselves. Two different types of 'stunned' in the course of one match. I know which one I preferred.

In fact 'stunned' was the byword for the post-match interviews on the radio. Even Neil Kelly, our radio presenter, was stunned as he asked questions of Platt and Davison: "How did it ... ? What was ... ? Why ...?" was exactly what he said - he couldn't get any more words out himself. The replies were equally short: "I, just, dunno." "I ..." "Dunno"!

OK, so back to the life changing events - the cramped seats in the Cobbled Together Stand made me realise that Layer Road isn't as bad as I once thought. I've always considered my own seat to be economically constructed but Portman Road takes the biscuit. I'll be happy with my current space being replicated at Cuckoo Farm, although I'd really like a bit more width and leg room please - but I promise won't moan about the piece of heaven I possess until then. (Click heels together three times, and repeat after me "There's no place like Home", "There's no place like Home", ... "There's no place like Layer Road")

Match 6 - WBA

2007-10-21T03:56:00.000+01:00

I don't harbour any grudges against West Brom. It's easy to get angry about a team that beat you twice last season, especially the team that ended our unbeaten home run, the team that made it into the play-offs when we didn't. But for some reason I feel smug about the fact that despite them being in the top 2 when they beat us at home and their fans taunting us about the fact they were 'going up', we are still playing each other home and away this season. Welcome back to Layer Road. Actually I felt that West Brom were one of the better teams to come to Layer Road last season and they actually played some football. And I especially like West Brom a little bit more now that we have won our first home game this season at their expense.

I mentioned last week that Bela Balogh hadn't yet made a full appearance for us. That was put right and he played a competent and relatively solid part in this victory. He's got potential. Another lad who's got potential is our Teddy. Sidelined for about a month with an old age injury it was good to see him play again at last. It did highlight another interesting fact - that when you sign a player who has established himself elsewhere you also inherit the chants that go with him. In our case - Ohhhhhh Teddy Teddy, Teddy Teddy Teddy Teddy Sher-ing-ham (and repeat).

Now Yeatesy is our top scorer and he chipped in with two more today, a classic free kick and penalty which he won in classic/dubious fashion. However, I do sometimes wonder if he practices with the team in training or locks himself in the gym on his own and bounces off walls while appealing for a free kick or throw-in. I don't suppose the lino on our side of the pitch is his best mate anyway. Speaking of which I suspect it was a put-up job when mid-way through the second half the announcer asked for the loser of a pair of spectacles to contact a steward. Half the crowd immediately named the unhappy loser - 'Lino !'.

Anyway it was good to get back into my cramped seated position for the first time in ages. At one stage I accidentally whacked the guy in front of me while applauding, and I trod on several toes while working my way to my seat. No danger of 'Mind the Gap' messages here at Layer Road (except in our defence which left a huge gap for Kevin Phillips to open the scoring). 'The Gap' has been there all season with an average of almost two goals leaking through in every game. Mind you we've got a slightly better average at exactly two goals per game. So it doesn't really surprise anyone that our most frequent scoreline this season has been a 2-2 draw.

The half-time entertainment was up to normal standards with a draw in in the junior penalty competition, and a close run thing in 'Over the Wall' (in which I still don't understand the points system). Then the safety announcement came over loud and clear and for once it seemed that everyone was listening - I'll give them 9 out of 10 this week.

And finally, having dispatched the opposition 3-2 and having applauded the lads for the effort which saw us climb five places in the table to 12th, it was time for a decision. Having a seat in the middle of a row means we have a choice of exits. Left or right. To the right they were spending longer than usual congratulating the team on a fine performance so we chose left, and emerged onto Layer Road alongside the people who were sitting on our right and who exited that side. Oh well, another draw.

International Weekend

2007-10-19T03:56:00.000+01:00

OK, so it's International weekend. What does that mean to us? It means we haven't had our heart rate and blood pressure exercised to sufficient levels for about two weeks. And according to government experts we could be among those who are in danger of becoming obese if we don't get some form of regular exercise. What was the Colchester United involvement in these two weeks of supreme international effort? Sadly just Bela Balogh playing for Hungary in their weekend match in which they beat Malta 2-0. Sadly also because we have yet to see a full first team competitive appearance by our international superstar, although he did make his club debut as sub the previous week. He also had to sit out the second of Hungary's Euro 2008 qualifiers in midweek.

It should be a time when we all join hands with other clubs' supporters and hail the efforts of our own national team (although Arsenal and Chelsea fans might have some difficulty in identifying who their national team is). And this is what we've been doing these past two weeks. What an exciting time it's been. Gritty and gripping wins over Australia and France to bring us another World Cup Final appearance. Forwards falling over each other to get to the ball. Backs standing firm in the face of continual onslaughts. The midfield mastery of that wizard Wilkinson. Oh yes, I forgot to mention, it's Rugby Union that has taken the headlines this last two weeks.

And what of our national soccer team. On the face of it a fifth consecutive 3-0 win in the tournament and a loss abroad on a wet synthetic surface. Except that the 3-0 win came courtesy of a nutmeg on an unsighted keeper, a deflection, and an own goal - hardly stuff to get too excited about. And all the defeat has done has been to send the media into apoplexy in predicting the next England manager.

But that's all behind us now and it's time for the real thing again. Saturday afternoons, 3 o'clock kick-off, rusty corrugated iron stands, wooden stairs, pigeons nesting in the eaves, and the weather's turning colder. Yes, Layer Road beckons once more.

Come on the U's.

Being a Footie Fan

2007-10-07T03:56:00.000+01:00

Away to Stoke at the Britannia Stadium this week and trying to protect our dodgy unbeaten away record (Played 4: Won 1, Drawn 3). Interestingly, Stoke are the reason I’m writing this blog. I had the mis(fortune) earlier this year to read a book by Stephen Foster called ‘She Stood There Laughing’. It was the reflections by a Stoke City fan of one of their more typical seasons (just escaping relegation). Now the thing that bugged me more than anything was the way the author took every opportunity to make derogatory comments about Colchester United and our stadium. Not just a few comments either, they were in every chapter. By coincidence one of their players at some stage of that successful campaign for Stoke was Chris Iwelumo – yes the very same turncoat who scored well for us last season and was both cheered and jeered within an hour when he returned here a few weeks ago with Charlton Athletic.

The author of the book describes in some detail the efforts he makes to follow his beloved team to all points north, south, east and west, despite becoming a resident of Norwich and being unable to bring himself to follow his adopted home town. His rationale being that any team in yellow shirts can’t play football. Let’s think about that – Norwich? Depends on your point of view in East Anglia (and they are certainly better than the Tractor Boys). Watford? Yes, OK I’d go along with that. Australia? Well, I can’t argue with that either. So where does that leave Brazil then?

While discussing the content of this book with a friend, a Norwich supporter, who just happens to live in Colchester and is secretly proud of our achievements, I said that I wished I had kept a diary of our first championship season (maybe someone else did and I have yet to discover it). So he suggested I do one of this season – the last at Layer Road, and take the opportunity to slag off Stoke City at the same time –just to even the score.

Well, I’d rather the lads did that on the pitch, but it seems that the QPR thrashing has taken most of it out of us and we went down 1-2 today to the Staffs Terriers. I’m not going to dwell on things too much except to say that I heard on the grapevine that the Colchester fans did more to fill the Britannia Stadium (with cheering, singing, chanting, and other vocalising) than the home fans on this occasion were able to muster. Let’s hear it for the Col U faithful …

Another parallel with the book is that my journey over the last two years at Layer Road has also seen the accompaniment of my son, who harbours some feelings for a little premiership outfit in Manchester. He’s a typical Manchester United fan – he doesn’t live in Manchester and still hasn’t seen them at home. In fact it’s worse than that – every time he’s seen them play live they have lost. Now that is true love.

But what is it that makes a football fan? Is it blind faith in your team’s abilities against all reasonable judgement - do Mansfield supporters still sing that old favourite: “….. they’re by far the greatest team, the world have ever seen”? Is it the desire to heap severe criticism on a bunch of inadequate individuals without giving the match officials any chance of arguing back at you? Or is it that we actually relish the opportunity to brag about buying designer clothes (replica shirts, etc.) so we can argue that we employ fashion designers to create our extensive wardrobe – and let’s face it the cost is a significant part of this.

I have to say I do find it galling that after spending a hard earned fortune on season tickets, replica shirt, scarf, matchday programmes, food and drink at the ground, and the occasional flutter on the 50/50 or club lottery, one of the club’s directors can resort to begging for more money from fans before the final home game last season. What is the average wage of the five thousand or so regulars compared to the average wage of the players? What is the average worth of the club directors? And they want more money from us? Are we supposed to be ever so grateful for what we receive each week when we venture out to matches? Do we have to make savings in our budgets during the week so that we can send another few bob home to the club?

Probably!

Anyway – I recommend the book and you can find it on Amazon : She Stood There Laughing by Stephen Foster. I’d be happy to hear any other suggestions of books or blogs written by footie fans about their time in the Football League. Please don’t recommend premiership stuff – I can’t afford the time to read those, and I don’t speak any other languages.

Match 5 - QPR

2007-10-04T07:56:00.000+01:00

The trials and tribulations of being a football fan. Once in a while there comes an event which tests your loyalties. For me it happened once last season when the opportunity to earn a few bucks on a Saturday for doing very little coincided with the home match against Cardiff. No contest really. Cardiff were top of the Championship at the time and we were on a bit of a roll ourselves, but I felt it was time our luck ran out. Then my son did something absolutely scandalous. He selected the Colchester v Cardiff match as one of 4 games in his works football competition - in which I usually predict all the scores at 1 – 1 and get a high percentage of successes. Except that I can’t bear to predict anything other than a Colchester win, so I predicted a 3 – 1 victory for the U’s and several people expressed surprise and amusement. The rest is history. I missed the match. My son didn’t. We won 3 – 1. Cardiff started their slide down the table and we were proving that we didn’t care who we played. In fact they could all spend a week at the top of the league and then come to Layer Road, just so we could knock them off.

This season it’s happened earlier. Our first home evening kick-off and we have yet to achieve a home win. We are playing QPR, who are firmly rooted at the bottom of the division. They have a caretaker manager in Mick Harford who was our assistant to George Williams last season and the loan arranger has exceeded himself tonight. Two players who were with us on loan last season – Chris Barker and Hogan Ephraim – are playing for QPR (Ephraim on loan) and a former U’s player (on loan of course) - Rowan Vine – is now playing for QPR (on loan of course). In fact Vine visited us twice last season with different clubs – Luton & Birmingham – so it’s just like he’s still playing here! And of course there’s something about a floodlit match that creates an electric atmosphere. The clash of events for me is my Dad this time. He had to go into hospital today to have his pacemaker replaced and I went to pick him up from Barts Hospital in London just after 7 pm. (All went well by the way – Dad’s OK.)

All is not lost as my son was at the ground, and able to text updates to me. Even better was the live commentary on BBC Essex which we managed to decipher despite the poor reception so far out of our area – it improved as we got nearer home and out of the city centre. There were a couple of dips in the landscape and these seemed to coincide with key moments in the game when our favourite commentator, honorary ‘Essex Man’ Neil Kelly, got a bit excited and gave us a clue that something wicked / interesting / vital / live-saving / crucial / exceptional / or downright amazing had happened.

It’s true we were in need of a lift after recent results, but we didn’t really expect the QPR defence to gift it in quite the way they did to open the scoring FOR US. 1-0 to Colchester. Just coming out of a cutting on the A13 and it’s apparent that QPR have equalised, 1-1 and it’s ‘our Hogan’ who did the damage. The QPR fans loved it I’m told – they’d just discovered they could taunt the home fans with a couple of repetitions of ‘You’re not singing any more’ when … they weren’t singing any more themselves. Izzet does it for us and it’s 2-1. And it’s all matter-of-fact in the commentary box when Yeates scores with a trademark free-kick a few minutes before half-time and it’s 3-1 at the break. No ‘over the wall’ in the interval this week – Yeates has done his version of that already! The half-time entertainment is boosted with the arrival of the match programmes in which the ink was still a tiny bit damp.

Then it gets a bit frantic for me. I’ve arrived at home, my radio battery is failing and the reception here is poor, so it’s the cable TV access to BBC Essex – but they are transmitting the wrong frequency on the cable network and it’s music!!! How about the Internet? My desktop computer crashed on Saturday and I’m trying to cope with a spare laptop and I haven’t got Real Player software installed and the BBC web site insists on having it. So I try to download it and get blocked because I haven’t logged onto my own computer as an administrator. (QPR pull one back – that man Vine). I log out and back in again as administrator and manage to download the software. (Platt scores for us and we increase our lead back to two goals at 4-2). Back to the web site and click on ‘Listen’ and discover that for various reasons they aren’t broadcasting the match tonight. Oh well, the last few minutes of a crackly reception – a bit like the half time safety announcement apparently – and the U’s are safely home with our first home win of the season. I was there in spirit.

By the way, did anyone else spot the moment when the linesman managed to keep the ball in play and the ball-boy then picked it up and tossed it to a player for a throw-in? What’s the ruling on that then? Discuss!

Match 4 - Scunthorpe United

2007-09-30T03:56:00.002+01:00

Quite a day for me this turned out to be. I was invited by the club to witness 'A Day in the Life of Layer Road' the day after the official centenary of 100 years of football at this ground. It's just a shame the players didn't perform on the day to make it the complete experience. However I managed to chat to a lot of the important people who make Layer Road the show that it is today, and I don't mean the players or the Board! I mean the very important people who toil away behind the scenes day after day or match after match. Some of them do it for nothing, other than a sense of putting something back into their community. Others would argue that they are paid next to nothing for the role they perform. The real heroes in fact don't even mention it and just get on with their tasks because, well, because it's match day and that's what they do. So this week's entries are dedicated to these heroes.

My first encounter was in the ticket office. A guy came in with his young son and asked if there were any tickets available for today's game. After being told that there were only standing tickets in the terraces they had a short discussion and decided to wait for another match - they really wanted to sit down. Now what sort of example is that? Why spoil kids at such a tender age? Most of us had to learn to become football supporters by standing on wooden terraces, often exposed to the elements and equal amounts of cigarette smoke and beer fumes. I know things have moved on in this day and age, but you have to earn your seat at a football match. You won't appreciate it until you've done your time on the terraces.

Amongst the first arrivals are the caterers and the food for various functions throughout the day - most importantly the birthday lunch for one lucky fan being held later in the Players' Lounge. And don't forget all the refreshment outlets around the ground. The provisions don't just magically appear out of thin air as they are needed. The early part of the day sees trolleys and trucks transporting tins and tuck to all corners of the ground.

Now here's a question: What washes whiter? You're probably going to say something like Ariel, Bold or Persil. Well, actually it's Brian and Ian. And what a job they have on their hands, and not just on match days. They have the pleasure of managing the kit for all the clubs teams throughout the week. Believe me, it is a full time job. There's a whole bank of automatic washing machines running through their match programmes just so that the players can have two sets of immaculately laundered kit hanging up to greet them in the changing room on match day. Watch out for the big yellow bins being carted around the ground. That's the dirty linen. So what's the most difficult part of this job I asked. Getting the socks whiter than white I'm told. Check them out after Christmas and we might see a few grey threads. I have to say that this is the first time I've ever seen Persil on tap!

Time to see the kit hanging up in the changing rooms. Everything is done by numbers here. Strictly numerical order. Except for the keepers, who have to sit together. By my reckoning if Sheringham had been playing today, then Teddy wouldn't have been in the corner. Maybe they move around to music as a pre-match warm-up and rearrange themselves into alphabetical order? I spotted a large selection of jaffa cakes, jelly sweets and glucose drinks for that important calorific infusion at key moments in the game, like half-time and full-time.

A real trooper is the batman to the executive seating area, Jim Partner (and yes, he IS related ...). At various times he was to be found sweeping the steps, carrying a stack of programmes, arranging blankets, clearing up the mess left behind, and having a cuppa, although I'm sure he deserved something a lot stronger. He's been a part of this set up for a lot longer than his charges and he's seen most of the professional games here at Layer Road - including the biggest ever crowd of 19,000+ in 1948. I did ask a few people if they had any rituals for match days. One of the 'meet and greet' team here told me that last season she wore the same lucky underwear for every match - and yes, they were clean every time.

This isn't true of one hardy supporter I bumped into at the supporters club shop. Fortunately it's just his replica shirt that gets worn at every match - but not washed again until the end of the season. Maybe we can arrange for Brian and Ian to ..... ..... no, perhaps not.

Next up it's the security briefing, and I'm not allowed to go into details here but I can reveal that the police turned up late for this. Yellow card only this time. They have been warned. Actually, we may regard them all as security staff, but in reality we ought to acknowledge them as safety officers. They are here for our safety and well-being and when the chips are down (or the drinks run out) it's their job to direct us away from harm and into the path of buses and cars in Layer Road. Sometimes they'll go and get our balls back. There are some well seasoned professionals amongst them, including a supervisor who plays away at Portman Road apparently and has done time at Wembley too - so we are in good hands.

At the security briefing the stewards are warned to watch out for this blogger wandering around the ground picking up snippets and snaps for today’s entry. I find out from one of them why the right wing area in front of the main stand needs extra care and attention. It’s where they scatter ashes. The drainage down this side doesn’t work as well as the rest of the ground either. I wonder what’s going to happen to this area when the ground gets developed?

The media moguls have been setting themselves up in the background almost unnoticed. We've got Anglia TV in the highest vantage point on top of the main grandstand, while BBC Essex and Hospital Radio hover just below them, but still with an excellent view of the surrounding area. No sign of BBC Radio Humberside, but word reaches us that they have been here before and they have decided to hang around with the hacks on the press bench in Block A, rather than risk the rusty rise up to the roof. One of the radio guys has an unhealthy interest in turnstiles and believes there's one hidden somewhere in the depths of the ground. Any suggestions?

Players are starting to arrive at the ground in their suits ready for their first test of the day – smiling nicely and signing autographs. It looks like most of them carry little handbags with them too. And the next question just has to be – what on earth do they carry around with them in their handbags?

The referee and his assistants have arrived earlier and just in case they need any help the ref has brought his Mum and Dad with him today (so that’s one well seasoned chant gone out of the window already).

The action is now starting. By that I mean the hardened fans are already queuing up outside and the gates are about to open. The early risers will take up their places in their favourite spots, seats in the stands, or steps on the terraces. I notice there’s a few people who make straight for the bookie sheds to wager their last few coppers on the outcome of some of the insignificant premiership matches taking place elsewhere. I’m sure I saw that you could get odds of 7-4 on Portsmouth beating Reading later today (or was I dreaming? – check out the results). I found out that the number of staff working here on a match day increases to around 120, while only about a quarter of that are full time staff the rest of the week. And before you ask, that doesn’t include the players. I don’t count footballers as staff. How I would have loved to have had the chance to play regular footie and get paid for it. For a while the staff outnumber the fans and it’s the arrival of the away support in their three coaches that tips the balance.

Colour plays an important part in the proceedings. Apart from the teams being able to tell each other apart large proportions of each set of supporters have to dress in their respective home or away shirts. Maybe this gives the impression of there being more players. Then we have the stewards and safety officers with their own colour scheme. The red high-visibility jackets apparently for supervisors and yellow for the rest, plus the police of course, although I did ‘detect’ a few in dark clothing today. And talking of dark clothing there’s always the ‘men in black’ who run (ruin) the show when it gets under way. The ambulance crews that arrive later are dressed in green outfits, probably so that we don’t notice them carrying players off the pitch – it’s important after all that we notice the injured player in all his agony. A quick scan of the ground later on reveals an interesting point that shouldn’t be lost on the club – there are more replica shirts in the terraces than in the seats. And there are more replica shirts worn in the paid seating than in the executive box. One further point worthy of mention is our local MP – a lifelong supporter of the club and a resident of the Barside – turns up as always resplendent in a waistcoat in the club colours. More from him later.

As for official stuff there’s a prominent sign located in various locations about the place which describes the 23 Ground Regulations. One of them (number 12) has been highlighted with a marker pen – the one about not smoking in stadia. How many of these regulations can the average fan recite? Perhaps this could be a specialist subject on Mastermind.

The special constable who has been pounding this beat for over 20 years tells me today that his father has a share certificate dating back to the 1940’s indicating a part-ownership of the ground. That means he should be able to get inside for games instead of standing outside in Layer Road pushing people onto pavements.

Players and officials wander out onto the pitch to start soaking up the atmosphere – or is it really because the changing rooms are so cramped they have to take it in turns to get kitted up? They gather in small clumps on different parts of the pitch. It’s a bit like cricket in some respects when allegedly knowledgeable individuals inspect the wicket before a match and attempt to predict the number of runs and outcome. Is football the same? I can just imagine the comments: “looks like a big score today then, probably 4 or 5 goals on this pitch” , “should be OK for some action over by the Barside but a bit sluggish by the dugouts”, “how well do you think the 4th official will show up against the player’s tunnel?”, “I reckon a handful of yellows and maybe a red in these conditions”. More likely are comments like: “where’s your Mum sitting?”, “three lots of hair gel in this breeze”, or “where are the tv cameras?”

The media teams are now getting their test transmissions under way – checking their Internet links so they can report immediately to their editors. Programme sellers set out their stalls and get ready to rake in the extra three quid from the fans. I believe we have an award winning programme at Colchester and quite right too given the quality of the product and the content. I wonder how many get printed and how many of them still exist a few weeks or months later? Where do old match day programmes go to die? Apart from collectors are there really thousands of programmes of every match from last season for instance still gracing our shelves, bookcases, magazine racks and safety deposit boxes? The souvenir insert at the Leeds game last season was an inspired move. To include a copy of ‘the Leeds game’ from 1971 will ensure that more of these get saved for even longer and will probably lead to a few domestic disputes as it nearly gets chucked out a few times with the weekly papers. I still have my original from 1971 plus some newspaper clippings from the weeks around that magical historical event.

As if it’s not exciting enough already just being inside the ground there soon begins the pre-match entertainment and we are treated to formation-training with a musical accompaniment. Actually there’s three different performances happening at the same time, and sadly there’s no co-ordination between the three teams, the choice of music and the routines being performed. The ref and his two assistants seem to be the most ‘together’ bunch on the pitch at this stage – but will it last?

It’s a special day today – yes that’s right, our mascot Eddie the Eagle is back. He’s been on holiday and missed the last match. I’m sorry to break this news to some of you, but the truth is that there’s a bloke inside that costume – honestly! And sometimes he just needs a break from it all – now that doesn’t really surprise me.

But seriously the really special thing about today is the centenary of the first match at Layer Road on 28th September 1907. To celebrate the club have arranged a guard of honour by soldiers from the local garrison, since it was an army team that played in the first game. A great photo opportunity too, and I manage to get quite close to the action at this stage. It’s all followed by the usual announcements about the team line ups and the varying levels of cheering for different players. I wonder if any players have this bit built into their contracts, a bonus based on how loud we cheer when their name is called out.

So, for the best part of the next two hours it’s all down to that bunch out on the pitch. It’s why we are here really and we expect every one of the U’s team to perform to his very best ability for two periods of 45 minutes each. We expect them to give 110% as always. We expect a shed load of goals (in our favour) from the forwards, and some heroics from the defence in keeping a clean sheet. The midfield generals will control things like they always do. Because, after all, Colchester United are “by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen” and we remind them of this from time to time.

Except for today.
Despite the pre-match hype about the centenary, or the similarities between Scunthorpe this year and ourselves last year. Despite the glowing accolade from the opposition manager who wants “to do a Colchester” because we “set the standard” for clubs getting promoted into the Championship. And despite the fact that we are desperate for our first home win this season it just ain’t gonna happen today. Even if today’s match had lasted for twenty two hours we still wouldn’t have scored a goal, we still wouldn’t have got a decision from the ref, and we still wouldn’t have prevented Scunthorpe from scoring the one damaging goal just before half time.

It seemed that the half time penalty shoot out by the kids was cancelled out of sympathy in case we enjoyed it more than the match. ‘Over the Wall’ taunted us still further as we watched the ball hit the back of the net more times than we could even dream of. We heard, understood and even remembered the safety announcement, because it was more exciting than anything we’d seen in the previous 45 minutes. But the next 45 weren’t any better, and the least said about the match the better.

Of all the things I heard shouted at the ref the only one I feel I can put into print here came from a specific direction in the Barside throng, and sounded more like an observation at Prime Minister’s Question Time: “You’re having an awful game ref!”. Well that told him. It was delivered with superb timing, when the ref was within spitting distance, with clear and concise diction and when the rest of the crowd seemed to hush waiting for these words of wisdom. Yes, I know it wasn’t obscene or insulting, and it wasn’t even funny, but it was spot-on the mark. What else would you expect from your elected representative?

The post-match analysis was always going to be a turgid affair. I remember having a short conversation with the radio interviewer when he asked if anyone could remember what happened during the game that was worth asking one of the players? Er, well, there was, maybe, perhaps, didn’t, well, er , “No”. But he managed to pull something together and JJ sparked into life and gave a ten minute answer to a simple question. A pity things couldn’t have been strung together like that a bit earlier and then maybe the crowd would still be here chanting the names of their heroes.

The longest TV interview was given by the winning manager, and when George Williams emerged he was set upon by the complete media scrum who shoved all manner of recording devices into his face. It was difficult to see who was actually interviewing him, but the long yellow wire from draped from the radio commentary box 50 feet above gave it away – BBC Essex are the prime contender for this piece of the action.

Instead there were dumbfounded fans staring in disbelief at an empty field for a good half hour after the game had finished. At the Barside the waistcoat was the last to leave – it had to make a speech to the Supporters Club in connection with the centenary. In the Layer Road end the stewards returned their yellow coats and their ties (probably in case they tried to hang themselves later). In the grandstand were two young fans who were absolutely distraught at what they’d just witnessed, and the odd-job man was doing what I saw him doing at the start of the day – sweeping the rubbish from the executive box. There was a lot of sweeping going on around the ground – much more than during the game. There were several hundred drinks bottles and food wrappers littering terraces and stands all round.

In the aftermath I managed a chat with BBC Humber commentator George Kerr, ex player (Barnsley, Bury, Oxford, Scunthorpe) and manager (Lincoln, Grimsby, Rotherham, Boston). He gave his opinion of the state of Layer Road. ‘It’s got character’ he told me. ‘It’s not safe. It’s about time you had a new ground. Don’t build the new one too small.’ So what’s new?

Well, today has given me a great insight into a day in the life of Layer Road, and I hope you have enjoyed reading it. It’s reinforced my view that it’s the fans that make a club. Players can come and go – and some of the greats played less than 50 games for us – but the fans stay for life and support the club through the good and not do good times. They buy their replica shirts for every occasion and every season, and they are proud of their club and what it has achieved over the years. Perhaps we need a few of these stalwarts represented in the club’s Hall of Fame?

Litter

2007-09-29T23:56:00.005+01:00

Barside.

Terrace 3.

Home and Away

2007-09-23T03:56:00.000+01:00

While the players are away this blogger is at play and I’ve discovered recently just how daunting it is for away teams to come to Layer Road. I’ve been given access to the home and away changing rooms and the difference between the home and away facilities gives yet another clue as to why we have an extra edge here at Layer Road.The Bunker
The first thing that strikes you is that each room has its own personality. I’ll start with the away team’s bunker. Remember that these rooms are just below the seating in the main stand and it’s anyone’s guess as to what noises travel through this room. The pictures here show what a bland environment welcomes our guests.
There are 45 clothes hooks and just one coat hanger (suggestions for suitable uses please). There's a junior size physio table. What's in the box beneath it - actually it says 'Medy Elito' on the box, so either that's where he lives, or he has been playing a part in this season's campaign that we have yet to realise. Notice also the whitewashed brickwork walls.

The shower and bath facilities (and just check out the helpful Health & Safety notice).

There really isn’t anything else to mention about the bunker facilities. Is it any wonder that opposing teams emerge from the tunnel so fast?

The Arcade
Now let’s take a peek at the home changing room. These pictures were taken after a training session so it does have the impression of being used on a regular basis and I’m told that the room has yet to be cleaned up by the youth team. What differences do we immediately notice? It’s brighter! There's no brickwork and there's extra sound proofing. For extra comfort some air handling & heating - it can get a bit cold in here in January. Three clothes hooks per player in a neat arrangement of ones and twos. Oh, and yet again, just the one coat hanger. Is this another peculiar feature of Layer Road. Or is it a spare TV aerial?
Let's not forget that the players are away from home and loved ones for most of the day. So that perhaps helps to explain the TV , Hi-fi and drinks coolers. Note the mirror (for the posers). Surely a bigger one might give the impression of more space and more people and therefore that we are a bigger club?

Now see this - a magnetic Subbuteo board for the players’ relaxation – allegedly our keepers excel at this version of the game. I guess it's also probably used for the occasional tactical presentation, and I noted that one of the magnetic 'players' kept falling off the board. Separate toilet cubicles, showers AND two baths (probably for Duguid and Sheringham – although I’d welcome your comments on this and some justification for your views).
I wonder how much all this will change next season at Cuckoo Farm? Are the players being consulted on the design – perhaps Internet access (with links to fashion shopping web sites), padded seats (now that would be nice for the spectators too), separate physio room with piped music and scented candles, or laundry facilities with a 90 minute turnaround time? Once again, your ideas also welcomed.

Match 3 - Charlton Athletic

2007-09-16T03:56:00.000+01:00

This game looked like a great match-up from the start. One of last season’s premiership teams and much fancied for a quick return, Charlton Athletic, brought with them two former Layer Road heroes from recent seasons:

Phil Parkinson: now the number 2 at Charlton, couldn’t really be looking forward to another visit after last season’s 5-1 thrashing here as Hull City manager which effectively got him the sack;
Chris Iwelumo: (aerial nuisance, but lacking in earth-based skills) the scorer of so many vital goals. Am I the only one who thought he couldn’t cross his legs properly let alone do much useful with his feet when the ball dropped nearby – unless of course it was a penalty or he was 6 yards out?

And in return we already have two of their escapees:

Kevin Lisbie, who can’t have expected he was going to partner Teddy Sheringham when he signed for us;
Kem Izzet: who left in 2001 before they found out whether he could play at this level.

I managed to grab a chat with one of the Special Constables before the game. Before I got ushered back onto the footpath he let on that he has been policing matches here at Layer Road for the last 23 years and has yet to get inside the ground to watch a match. How does he feel about this? Actually he’s not a footie fan, but I wonder if there’s someone at the club who would like to invite him to spend a Saturday afternoon or weekday evening watching a bit of action behind those tin sheds that border his patch.

As for the match, well it was almost like the glory days of last season with a great first half midfield display and some slick finishing up front. I’m beginning to see a bit of a likeness between Sheringham and another pensioner from the past – Ray Crawford. Just how lucky are we to have such silky smooth skills sported so sensationally on Saturdays? The crowd has found it’s voice once again – “Parky, Parky, what’s the score?” – the sun is shining brightly …

And then it happened! Two-nil up and we concede a goal just before half-time. Just like the Burnley match, only in reverse. And we trudge in for the break on a low.

It struck me today that the half-time entertainment gives the two sets of fans a break of a different sort. For 15 minutes or so they forget about baiting each other or trying to score points with their cleverly crafted song contest entries. We all sit or stand together in awe of the stuff that parades in front of, and around us:

We cheer together as the juniors take their penalties (including a first public appearance – and goal – for Lisbie Junior – but no appearance from Eddie the Eagle);
We jointly marvel at the skill of the substitutes in passing to each other so accurately – with no chance of a scything tackle (see later) or other form of harassment;
We laugh side by side at the ‘over the wall’ attempts that pass each side of the wooden defence;
We check our lucky tickets, hoping to win a few bob
We eagerly wait for the half-time scores and cheer as one when we hear that Ipswich are losing;
We puzzle over the delicate fork prods of the groundsman as he tends his lawn;
and we wait expectantly for the safety announcement … the safety announcement ...

… except that today, once again, the half-time entertainment leaves no time for this important piece of public safety information. So, for those who missed it before the game, here it is:

... ding, dong
This is public announcement. In the event of an emergency please remain calm, and await further instructions. Thank you.
... ding, dong

The second half was a mixture of revitalised opposition, frantic defending, cheating (Iwelumo, who went from hero to zero in less than an hour), poor officiating (failing to spot the cheating), an equaliser, and a scything follow through by Danny Mills on George Elokobi. It’s ironic that Mills’ own web site includes a prominent link to a sports injuries clinic! Is this how he makes his money?

All in all a fair result at 2-2 and a great afternoon’s entertainment. This was English Football at its best. Plenty of action, excitement, goals, controversy and plenty to discuss on the radio phone-ins and web site forums after the game. So, the positives we take forward to the next match:

3 points better off than this stage last season;
at least 2 goals scored in every match so far (and at least 2 goals conceded in all but one of them);
6 places higher than the corresponding stage last season (although the daft thing about tables this early is that we would have been 5th if we’d won);
Ipswich lost 4-0;
George Elokobi can sing ‘I’m Still Standing’ with pride;
we have a couple of warm-up away games before the Scunthorpe encounter in two weeks.

Comments Welcomed

2007-09-09T03:56:00.000+01:00

My thanks to all those who responded to my message on the BBC 606 message board recently. There were some interesting snippets of people’s experiences over the years and I’d encourage you to post any more of your highs and lows, good and bad memories of Layer Road here. I know that the club are interested in collating your stories and they are following this blog too. So what do you think? Has Layer Road got its own personality or is it just another football ground? What has made Layer Road unique for you over the years?

This really is a special season at Layer Road and I see that there’s a fan/film-maker called Ray Hollingsworth who wants to make a film of memories of Layer Road. Is there anyone out there who remembers the first season in the league – or even the years before that? My own experiences only go back to about 1968 but I’m sure there are stories just waiting to be told.

It turns out that this year is also the centenary of Layer Road (see centre page spread in the Essex County Standard Friday 7th September 2007). And the next 100 years starts with the Scunthorpe game on 29th September. I hope to do something special with this blog for that game.

Match 2 - Burnley

2007-09-02T03:56:00.000+01:00

Work continues at Cuckoo Farm and in a visit up there this week I started to think about the best parking places and walking routes to get to the ground. At the moment it seems, there aren’t any. It’s particularly disappointing that the road infrastructure from the A12 isn’t going to be built in the early years. How many fans do they want to attend matches at this wonderful 20th century stadium? (Yes, I did mean 20th C)

Pre-match facts:

Burnley lost their last league game but won in midweek in the Carling Cup, which incidentally we have decided to skip for the second season in a row after embarrassing first round defeats against lower league opposition. It does have the advantage of allowing us ‘to concentrate on the league’ as the old saying goes when a team is knocked out of any cup competition.
After a great win away at Preston last week (3-0) we are up there in the play-off zone once again, but early season tables are just for fools. So much can happen as a result of just one game. We are known to suffer attacks of vertigo - maybe we need to become known for attacks of Virgo?

Anyway the sun is out, the sky is blue, only Burnley can spoil my view of the fourth game in a row against northern opposition. They certainly spoiled it last season when they were the first team to come to Layer Road looking for a draw and left with a point and a 0-0 result after the most boring performance of the season.

Well a much better attendance this week and it was evident in the better voice the crowd gave in support of the team out there on the pitch. An extra 500 people crammed into the ground, and the away support was allowed to roam across the whole of the Layer Road end this week – even though they could still stand at arm’s length from each other.

One of the most noticeable differences between the two sets of supporters today was the range of chants available just as a result of the name of the team. While we can pick anything from ‘U-ni-ted’, ‘The U’s’ (a haunting sound after a drummed intro – which works best at night games), ‘Col U’ (after a bit of co-ordinated hand clapping) to that variation on a theme ‘Oh – When – The – U’s’, poor old Burnley could only muster ‘Burn – lee’ (clap, clap, clap).

Plenty of action outside the ground this week for the ball-boys. It was an average match for the number of times a ball cleared the stands. I don’t know what the record is, but at one game last season I lost count at 8 times in the first 10 minutes. Perhaps someone will let me know. Maybe there’s a case for employing a Wimbledon (tennis) style of ball management. For matches against Burnley it could be the best entertainment of the day.

As for the match we let ourselves down badly today. Teddy Sheringham was playing a different game to the rest of the team. I’m not sure if it’s his fault or that of the other ten, but there’s a link missing somewhere. In the first half it went 0-1, 0-2, and then 1-2 just before half-time to give us some thought of a second half revival.

Half-time entertainment:

the kids’ penalty competition, which we lost,

‘Over the Wall’ in which one competitor did quite well in the 30 seconds allowed for chipping as many shots as possible over a wooden defence into an empty goal (maybe the players should be doing this!),

The announcement that Ipswich were losing at Watford.

The panic set in. No safety announcement at half-time today. Sorry, but that means 0/10 for the backroom boys for this week. I’d like to report that the absence of this vital information sent the crowd into mass hysteria and glancing for the nearest exits, but in reality who else even noticed? Anyway the teams are back on the field and it’s time for the onslaught.

Only, no-one gave the correct script to the players. George Elokobi decided it was too easy being just one goal down and he conceded a pointless penalty which was converted to make it 1-3. The fans did come alive again towards the end, especially when we scored quite late (2-3) and then got the announcement of 5 minutes added time. All to no avail and our first defeat of the season.

At the end of the day we fall back on the fact that:

we have a two week break until the next match (and there’s still some cricket to watch on the telly),

we have 5 points more than we did at this stage last season (and are 9 places higher in the league),

Hull are below us (having stolen two of best players from last season) and Ipswich aren’t top.

Match 1 - Barnsley

2007-08-19T03:56:00.000+01:00

This is it. The start of the last season at Layer Road, and even the stadium announcer describes our little jewel as something less than desirable. A quick look around the ground shows us that it could do with more than just a lick of paint – the rusted grandstand structure, the crumbling concrete, the cables threading through the roof spaces, the nets to stop birds settling, the wooden shed that provides the terraces for visiting fans and temporary seating for a handful of lucky visitors.

The atmosphere is quite different to last season. There are several empty seats, and it does feel like just another Saturday. Mind you the opposition is only Barnsley. The travelling support amounts to less than 200 and they are all leisurely spaced in one half of the Layer Road End. One or two do find the integral drum kit at one stage during the game – the corrugated iron which is the back of the stand.

The safety announcement before the game and at half time was delivered in the usual manner, but the crackly quality of broadcast means that the overall score given to this aspect of the match is just 7/10. Hopefully the technology will be better at Cuckoo Farm.

Some pre-match facts which might influence the result:

Barnsley lost 1-4 at home at Coventry last week
we held the Premiership pretenders Sheffield United to a 2-2 draw after twice being a goal down
Barnsley did beat us 1 – 2 here last season in our second home match
During the last week we lost away in the Carling Cup to Shrewsbury, and Barnsley won at home against Darlington (both League 2 teams)

Well, Barnsley played for the most part of the game like a table football team. Not much creativity or movement from them and we had to gift them their two goals. In the first half our goalie Dean Gerken decided to take up wrestling with a Barnsley forward, conceded a penalty and got sent off. That meant we had to substitute one of our outfield players for another keeper – Mark Cousins, making his first team debut. Mind you Kevin Lisbie did look like he was playing table football too. In the second half Johnnie Jackson decided he needed to "make myself appear bigger" while charging down a Barnsley shot on goal and managed to increase his size sufficiently to get an arm to block the shot. Penalty number two. In between these two goals we played Barnsley off the park and managed two goals of our own from Sheringham and Connolly. Sheringham’s class was evident throughout and the Barnsley captain felt this was too much to take. He decided to throw Teddy in the corner (well, he punched him in the back of the head) a few minutes after we had taken the lead and he got sent off, which evened up the numbers.

The half time entertainment was quite varied today:

substitutes from both teams practising
meet the sponsors
a junior penalty shoot-out which ended in a 4 – 4 draw between Colchester and Barnsley fans (but we did field one 4 year old and one 5 year old)
a new competition to chip a number of balls over a wooden representation of a 4—man wall at a free kick. The two competitors scored 3 each, for yet another draw. Not sure if this is better or worse than the shed from last season!

The home fans were not in such good voice as last season but they saved their best rants for the referee who didn’t really deserve the compliments. The groundsman however did deserve the accolade given today. The pitch looked superb, quite lush and just like an expensive carpet. I wonder if he’ll be able to recreate this at Cuckoo Farm?

So, at the end of the day, another 2 – 2 draw and we can proudly announce:

we are unbeaten in the league,
we have two more points than we did at this stage last season,
we achieved a better result at home to Barnsley than we did last season.

Season Preview

2007-08-11T03:56:00.000+01:00

Planning consent has been given and the first sod has been dug. The new stadium is really going to happen. Cuckoo Farm will be the new Layer Road. I guess our opponents will be happier about this than we are. It’s been suggested that the ancient, cramped, decrepit and intimate nature of Layer Road has been our best asset for years. Just ask Leeds United (13 Feb 1971).

Mind you the celebration about the new location isn’t without controversy. It’s a community stadium, which means the U’s aren’t the only users. It’s sized for 10,000 – is that enough? Should the town’s MP, who is one of their greatest supporters, have been invited to the first dig? Is the planned highway access sufficient to accommodate the amount of traffic expected?

And on the field, is this going to be the season we should have had last year? You know, the one where little old Colchester United struggles to maintain a presence up here in the Championship with the ‘big boys’. Losing the first four games suggested we were playing along with that scenario, but there were those who realised that each of these games were lost by just one goal. Surely our luck had to change. And it did. Big time! At various stages we occupied a play-off place and finished a highly creditable 10th. Were we really dreaming of being in the play-offs, beating the other contenders and bringing Premiership football to Colchester?

Layer Road, that’s what this blog is all about. Our last season at home at Layer Road, Colchester, CO2 7JJ. This is what it’s like for one of the fans who will be enduring the last 23 x 90 minutes of league football (plus all those minutes of ‘time allowed’) at Layer Road. No more balls disappearing over the stands into neighbouring gardens. How on earth will the local infrastructure cope without us on match days?

I’ll post some photos and reflections of last season along the way and maybe mention some blasts from the past, when it suits me or the occasion. Remember this is really about the ground and not just the players. Layer Road has a personality, a presence, an ability to intimidate visiting teams and fans alike. It’s not particularly comfortable for the home fans either and I guess the media would like to benefit from some up to date facilities too.

I welcome comments and reflections from other home fans on their experiences in this last memorable season at Layer Road.