If only .....

Now you might think I'd be wasting my time here. Even though I've been resigned to the fact that we are going down for a couple of months now, I entered the final weekend of our two year holiday in the Championship clinging to the thought that it may just be possible to avoid relegation. If anybody is actually reading this then they will think I'm out of my mind. But, just listen to my case and let's see if we have the slightest bit of a chance.

It was fashionable at one time to re-build a club by 'going into administration' and we've seen a strengthening of the FA's position on this in the last couple of years. Ten to fifteen points deducted for dodgy dealings behind the scenes. Now there's a possibility. The difficulty with all this is that we are so far behind on points going into the last match that only something extraordinary like this can save us. Assuming we could salvage a final 3 points from this final game at Scunthorpe then we need to rely on the good old FA to dish out some 15 point penalties for various offences committed by any club within striking distance. Why fifteen? Well if it's good enough for Leeds then it's good enough for the rest. The FA have set the bar at that level.

So, with a potential 40 points and a crap goal difference in the bag we needed to set our sights on those within 14 points of that at the start of the day. That means Blackpool, Coventry, Sheffield Wednesday, Leicester and Southampton. Scunthorpe are in the same boat but floating with a little more out of the water. We can't overhaul them in any fair consideration of the situation and it means that they will also benefit from anything we achieve.

Now there are some easy pickings here. Leicester went into administration a few years ago. Why should that go unpunished? Dock them 15 points just for the hell of it I say. Southampton's boardroom has been under fire all season and no-one knows who really owns them or wants to own them. So in one sense they are like headless chickens. Let's put them out of their misery and deduct fifteen there as well.

Coventry have been blighted with financial scandal all season so it doesn't seem unreasonable to relieve them of the burden of fifteen points as well. I can't find any readily available dirt on the other two, but that must be good enough for now, three clubs with financial problems. That could put us clear.

OK so it's down to the football stuff now, and in a fun-filled programme this week the U's have done their worst to make my calculations meaningless. Grabbing a 3-3 draw from the jaws of a 3-1 lead means we only have 38 points to end the season. Results elsewhere show that Southampton saw my plan coming and they wormed their way to safety with a 3-2 win over Sheffield United. Coventry are laughing after surrendering 4-1 to Charlton and even with an extra 15 points we can't quite touch them. Leicester are our favourites and they maintained a clean sheet at Stoke to give the Potters promotion and secure their own relegation anyway. They are going down and could do the decent thing and surrender themselves to the bottom spot with a deduction of points.

So that's it then? Not quite. Let's look at who's coming up from League One. Swansea as champions - and it's just been announced that they have taken a £650,000 loss in achieving promotion this season. Now that's dodgy dealing in my book. Deduct 15 points. That puts them back into the play-off places and gives automatic promotion to Doncaster. It makes a mess of the play-off matches so it may be best to just deny one promotion place and let the play-offs proceed as planned.

That means we have Leicester relegated below us and Swansea denied promotion. That means I need another place to ensure safety in the Championship. Well, my hopes are now on Carlisle winning the play-off place and then having promotion denied on account of their entering adminstration a few years ago. It's a slim chance I know, but we have to cling to these faint hopes.

Now, does anyone know a good lawyer, or the phone number of the High Court?

Match 23 - Stoke

Not too many words this time. I'll let the photos tell the story. There was a football match, but that was a non-event. Neither team played particularly attractive football. Whilst the Col U Faithful were correct to point out that the away fans 'have only got one song', it was also true that the away team had only one tactic - a long throw into the box. So there you have it. For 87 minutes you could have gone to sleep and missed nothing of any interest to the home support.

The final 3 minutes were a bit different, with attack upon attack by the U's, but it didn't change the result. Stoke won 1-0. Their fans thought they'd clinched autmatic promotion but about the same time as Colchester woke up, so did Hull and they have a chance of spoiling it. Stoke went top of the division. Colchester are now firmly rooted to the bottom, and next week's 'cup final' against Scunthorpe is now meaningless - we will still be bottom, no matter what happens.
[picture: The band are in the tunnel ... ... ...]

Today was a media circus day. 6,300 of us were invited to watch the media parading themselves in front of us, while we watched (sitting and standing patiently) from the stands and terraces.
[picture: Formation Fireworks with the Match Officials]

BBC Essex had a great idea. They broadcast their sports prpgramme live from Layer Road. So what? How did that help their listeners? There were dozens of photographers on hand to record the occasion. For who? Several TV and video cameras dotted around the place to capture the story - for various TV programmes they want you watch or videos they want you to buy.
[picture: Are we playing Smoke City today?]

Loads of former players were introduced to us. I think we know who they are. It's a shame they don't all come back for every game. They got to speak to the other media people but not to us. It was all a bit like a postcard from someone who's on holiday - "I'm here. You're not. It's great. I'm having a wonderful time. You ought to be here - watching me having a great time."
[picture: A crowd invasion before the game - stewards in Roman uniforms advance to eject them]

We were reminded about 20 times throughout the afternoon not to enter onto the pitch after the game. "It's an arrestable offence" it says on the postcard. (The standard of football was criminal - who was going to arrest them?) The usual stuff from the half-time roving microphone - I think it's time he was retired. He's not funny. He's not entertaining.
[picture: Doogie tells the team a joke. It looks like one of the players has burst with laughter - remnants of shirt on pitch]

[picture: It's Saturday - it's 3 o'clock - it must be ... ... ... time for a nap]










[If you missed the kick-off, here's what it looked like]







[picture: Dark forces at work. Just behind the Barside stand, a stream of balloons lodged in a nearby tree and formed themselves into the shape of a 'U'.]



[picture: Half-time entertainment. Stoke City fans kept on singing all through the break - I can't actually tell you what the band played.]



[picture: .. ding, dong
This is public announcement. In the event of an emergency please remain calm, and await further instructions. Thank you.
... ding, dong]


[picture: I think we may be down to our last few balls. They needed an armed guard at half-time]





[picture: I think you know who they are all are, but for a bonus point name all the photographers and the media scrum.]

[picture: Then they went and spoiled it all by playing something stupid like ... ... a game of football]

[picture: Four minutes - you cannot be serious !!!]







[picture: At last - the deed is done. We can all go home. Last one to arrive at Cuckoo Farm is ... ... probably the MP for Colchester!]




I hope you've enjoyed the season and these ramblings of the final season at Layer Road. There will be a couple more postings before I hang up my blogs for the summer, but I will return in the new season in the guise of 'The First Cuckoo', and will share my experiences of 'Being a League One Fan in a Brand New Stadium'.

Saturday 26th April 2008 really was a media celebration day. The real celebrations have taken place over the years and you can't take that away from anyone. If you feel like you should have been there, well, at least I'm sharing my thoughts and my photos here.

Match 22 - Coventry

Nearly there - League One that is. A great first half today. A goal from Scott Vernon and nearly a second from Lisbie who held onto the ball far too long while the crowd had time to shoot three times for him. Nevertheless the opposition looked quite weary and disinterested in those 45 minutes. That was a cunning ploy by Chris Coleman. In the second half you'd be forgiven for thinking there had been ten substitutions (Schmeichel was still dodgy in the Coventry goal). They really turned us over in the second period.

I'd like to say that there was something to report from the half time entertainment but the final of 'Over the Wall' fizzled out into a one-horse race when the first competitor (from Hospital Radio) missed with all five attempts. In the junior penalty competition we lost 4-5 to the travelling fans and it must have been really disappointing for one our boys who was built up as having come all the way from Canada for today's game. His shot was saved by Eddie the Eagle who isn't known for his prowess between the posts.

I do have to say that even though we were well and truly done for in the second half the players generally still continued to make an effort and we did have chances. The score-line still remains at 1-5 and with Scunthorpe scraping a win against Cardiff the chances of salvaging some pride against them on the last day are looking quite grim. There have been some absolutely dismal performances this season and we have only lost those by the odd goal, yet today we get slaughtered and yet we tried hard. It's a funny old game, football!

I also have to say that if too many fans keep going on about Williams having to go, he just might think it's not worth staying on for them. He has been the one consistent performer for the U's in recent years. He is the one who has shown loyalty to the club when others have jumped ship. I really do hope he stays and is allowed to build up a decent squad for next season to get us back in the Championship. I wonder how many of those who phone, text or email to BBC Essex are those who leave these matches early?

It's time to show our support for George and the club as a whole despite our current position. We have one more home game in which to make an impact. People in my section of the ground are asking each other how many games they are going to see next season, and the most asked question I've heard has to be 'Are you going to buy a season ticket next season?'. Well, if that's the attitude of a large proportion of so-called fans then perhaps we deserve our current plight.

It's good to see the club has decided to review its prices for next year, but there's a still a way to go in my opinion. I think there's a need to get a lot more junior support onside and maybe there's some mileage in the plan to issue free tickets to local school groups for a number of matches next season, and much cheaper tickets for juniors who bring an adult. These are potential lifelong supporters.